[#1]

Hiya

Age old story this one....

Is it OK to smack a child for being bold? DO you believe in not hitting and try other methods to deal with things. Or do you maybe smack if all other avenues have been explored?

Perhaps you find nothing wrong with the odd smack (I am not talking about a beating here). Maybe a smack on the bum or tap on the hand.

Personally I haven't hit my children and normally get them to do what I ask without needing to resort to smacking. I however have no problem with the odd smack if the case warrants it. I know this is contraversial but its how I feel.

What do you think?
Cathy

Edited because of spelling mistakes I just noticed lol.

---

Edited 12/11/2007 06:30 ET by cl-shamrockchick

[#2]

Hiya

Age old story this one....

Is it OK to smack a child for being bold? DO you believe in not hitting and try other methods to deal with things. Or do you maybe smack if all other avenues have been explored?

Perhaps you find nothing wrong with the odd smack (I am not talking about a beating here). Maybe a smack on the bum or tap on the hand.

Personally I haven't hit my children and normally get them to do what I ask without needing to resort to smacking. I however have no problem with the odd smack if the case warrants it. I know this is contraversial but its how I feel.

What do you think?
Cathy

Edited because of spelling mistakes I just noticed lol.

---

Edited 12/11/2007 06:30 ET by cl-shamrockchick

[#3]

Hiya

My DD is almost 2 and I have just introduced the 'naughty step/chill out area' - this seems to work with her. She went through a phase of hitting out at me and one of my work colleagues said that I should 'smack her bum'. IMO that would teach her that its not okay for her to smack me but it is for me to do it to her!!?

Having said that I do think that it should be up to the individual parent and she has had a tapped hand on a couple of occasions for other things (namely keep touching the oven - it wasnt on by the way!)

JMO
Janey xx

[#4]

Hi

I have smacked when I have lost my temper and it's something I am not proud of. I don't want to smack and think there are other ways of getting a child to do what it's told. When I have smacked my DD she has been upset, cried, was shocked and didn't want me near her. Neither did she do what I wanted her to do! It made me feel awful that I had made my DD feel like that and so now I try hard to keep calm and use another way to get her to do what I want. The naughty spot currently works well for us as a last resort (as does counting to 5).

I think there are parents like me who smack when frustrated but there are also parents who use smacking as part of their discipline and do it calmly and rationally. However the end result is that you are hitting a child and causing pain to get it to do something (or as a punishment) and I don't see that as a positive way to parent, especially when there are other methods out there.

madcat

PS I personally think I am a bad parent when I lose my temper and smack. Thankfully it's a rare occurence but there is no excuse for it IMHO.

[#5]

Hi Cathy

ds 8 has had 6 or 7 smacks since he was born, mostly between the ages of 3 1/2 - 6, every one of them was after the time out, star chart, toys confiscated, warning about a smack then counting to 3

they were all planned and i made them count lol, sometimes there is no alternative, once you have tried everything else, in ds case this could be an ongoing battle for 8 hours a day, 3 days running, then he got the ultimate threat, a smack on the legs, after that as soon as i started counting he would stamp away in a sulk but do as he was told for another few months

he can still be hard work now but is realising when he is doing wrong, he even brought me the playstation handset the other day because he was planning on being cheeky then thought better about it lol

dd 2 has never had a smack, and probably never will, you can explain the reasons why you say no and she will accept them (long may it continue)

i think some children need harder discipline than others but only rarely, too much and they do not know what it is for, i hate to see people lashing out at thier toddlers and young children in public, makes me wonder what they are like at home

gotosleep

[#6]

Hiya,

Dd is 5, and she has had smacked hands and legs, she went through a phase when she was around 2 of kicking out when she didn't get her way, and she just didn't get the message that it hurt people so we resorted to smacking her legs everytime she kicked. She stopped kicking within the week. It wasn't an ideal method, and we had exhausted everything else that we could think of.

Love
Twink xx

[#7]

i smack my ds because it is a discipline method that works for him. I only smack rarely and only if he has been "pushing" and refusing all other options for example kicking me when being sent upstairs. He has to be horrible before he gets a smack. I have smacked dd but only rarely and it sends her into such a mad frenzy that there is no point as you get nothing out of her anyway and by the time she's calmed down enough to talk to her she hasn't a clue what she did. Putting her in her room works for her anyway. DS will stay calm when smacked and you can tell him why he got one and then it's over. Generally it's when he has hurt someone or been repetitively naughty despite being told - he gets 3 chances then it's his room, if he refuses he gets taken there, if he kicks he gets a smack. He knows what happens and mostly he's quite good and well behaved. More defiant lately as he's just started school.

I don't think you are a bad parent for smacking. To me some of the things they do on super nanny are more likely to physically damage a child - such as carrying by 1 arm and 1 leg when the child is mid tantrum. You need to know your child and know what works with them. Like I said I don't smack dd as there is no point.

sara

---

Edited 12/11/2007 10:07 ET by saramonkey

[#8]

I totally agree with what you wrote. I have smacked my son a few times and it's been when i'm at the end of my tether and i'm not proud of it and always regretted it afterwards. TBO it wasn't even effective because his immediate response was to try and hit me back.

I feel it can either make (more boisterous children) act more aggressively or on quieter children I think it can make them fearful of their parents if the smacking is on a regular basis. I was a very quiet timid child and was occasionally smacked and it did make me less likely to own up if I had done something wrong and I was scared of my mum when she was really angry (she didn't beat me or anything, just a smack now and then). I would hate to think my kids would feel that way.

Kristi x

[#9]

Yes, you are a bad parent if you smack your children.

I have never smacked or threatened to, or shouted to intimidate my children. Im not saying I never will, because I often feel like it, but if I did it would be because Id lost my temper not becuase I decided it was an acceptable form of discipline. Its wrong to use the fact that you are stronger and bigger than your child against them, its abusing your role as a parent IMO. I manage not to hit adults who annoy me - or my husband, so I can give my children the same respect.

[#10]

Hi,
I think there are guidelines but smacking should always be used as a last resort.
For instance, if you were smacked as a child, it shouldn't be an option because you will do it for the wrong reasons, such as frustration,and end up smacking for trivial offences. In that sense, the punishment of smacking loses its meaning.
It is better to learn alternatives, such as time outs and consequential punishments.These have been proven more effective.
It should never be done frequently, or in anger, and after the age of five, when they know better. Some kids smack or kick their parents, basically there is no respect of authority.

[#11]

I really think everyone gets way too involved in the "smacking" detail here.

What we are really talking about is disciplining children. To go back to basics, the idea of discipline is that if the child does something you would like to discourage, you teach them that every time they do that, something will happen to them that they don't like - this could be many things, the naughty step, time out, grounding, confiscation of toys or pocket money, a smack, being scolded ... etc. Each different possible consequence will have advantages and disadvantages and really I think it's up to the parent to choose which they feel comfortable with and which works best on their child - it may be different at different ages of their life.

For example, there is no point continuing to use a particular method of discipline if it isn't discouraging the behaviour. It's exactly the same in adults and teenagers - some people have horiffic experiences in prison whereas others go back onto the street with added "street cred". Some people are crippled by paying fines, while others hardly notice the lost money.

What we really need to ask is - are parents using the best method of discipline for their children, and are they using it fairly.