how to use a strap on

[#1]

While looking for some suitable information I came across this question posted to the Author of The Whole lesbian sex book: A passionate guide for us all by Felice Newman  so I thought I would share it here as its got some good advice.

QUESTION:
Here's my sex question. It's embarrassing to ask, but I would like some pointers for using a dildo. I am a 40-something lesbian who finds herself single after a 15 year relationship. I never used sex toys because my partner was not interested. Now that I am back in the dating world, I have met someone online and we hope to meet in person in the next few months. We have talked on the phone and I know she has had a few partners in the past few years and she has hinted that she likes penetration. Can you offer some advice? I don't know where to start and I'm embarrassed to talk to her about it.

Answer: How to Strap-On

Are you interested in a dildo to strap-on with a harness? Any dildo with a flared base will fit into a harness which is designed to position the base of the dildo over your public bone or mons. Harnesses come in two basic flavors: jock-strap style and thong style. As you’d imagine, the thong-style harness has a strap that goes between your legs, which you may or may not like. Some women find these to be the more stable of the two styles and thus easier for a beginner to use — but of course its all individual. (You can also find a harness that straps around your thigh.)

You can surf the sites of women-owned sex toy sellers to see the variety of dildos and harnesses. I suggest Toys in Babeland and Good Vibrations for starters. Wielding a strap-on takes practice; you may feel very self-conscious the first time you look in the mirror and see a dildo bobbing between your legs. Try wearing your new strap-on around the house when you’re alone. You can even masturbate while wearing your new strap-on, with dildo in hand, push the base against your mons, thrust with your hips, and notice any sensations in your pelvis. Basically, you are developing a relationship with your nascent energetic penis.

Use plenty of water-based lube and a condom for easy clean-up. Penetrate your partner with fingers before entering her with the strap-on. All of this goes double if you’re penetrating her anally. But you said she hinted that she likes penetration: she may not even want to be penetrated with a dildo--she may be hinting that she wants to be finger-f**ked or fisted. So ask her. (Direct conversation about sexual interests may have been lacking in your previous relationship. Now you get to explore all the forms of sexual expression that interest you.)

Taken from http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbiansex/a/HowToStrapOn.htm

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Edited 09/04/2010 00:41 ET by cl-natalie1981

[#2]

While looking for some suitable information I came across this question posted to the Author of The Whole lesbian sex book: A passionate guide for us all by Felice Newman  so I thought I would share it here as its got some good advice.

QUESTION:
Here's my sex question. It's embarrassing to ask, but I would like some pointers for using a dildo. I am a 40-something lesbian who finds herself single after a 15 year relationship. I never used sex toys because my partner was not interested. Now that I am back in the dating world, I have met someone online and we hope to meet in person in the next few months. We have talked on the phone and I know she has had a few partners in the past few years and she has hinted that she likes penetration. Can you offer some advice? I don't know where to start and I'm embarrassed to talk to her about it.

Answer: How to Strap-On

Are you interested in a dildo to strap-on with a harness? Any dildo with a flared base will fit into a harness which is designed to position the base of the dildo over your public bone or mons. Harnesses come in two basic flavors: jock-strap style and thong style. As you’d imagine, the thong-style harness has a strap that goes between your legs, which you may or may not like. Some women find these to be the more stable of the two styles and thus easier for a beginner to use — but of course its all individual. (You can also find a harness that straps around your thigh.)

You can surf the sites of women-owned sex toy sellers to see the variety of dildos and harnesses. I suggest Toys in Babeland and Good Vibrations for starters. Wielding a strap-on takes practice; you may feel very self-conscious the first time you look in the mirror and see a dildo bobbing between your legs. Try wearing your new strap-on around the house when you’re alone. You can even masturbate while wearing your new strap-on, with dildo in hand, push the base against your mons, thrust with your hips, and notice any sensations in your pelvis. Basically, you are developing a relationship with your nascent energetic penis.

Use plenty of water-based lube and a condom for easy clean-up. Penetrate your partner with fingers before entering her with the strap-on. All of this goes double if you’re penetrating her anally. But you said she hinted that she likes penetration: she may not even want to be penetrated with a dildo--she may be hinting that she wants to be finger-f**ked or fisted. So ask her. (Direct conversation about sexual interests may have been lacking in your previous relationship. Now you get to explore all the forms of sexual expression that interest you.)

Taken from http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbiansex/a/HowToStrapOn.htm

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Edited 09/04/2010 00:41 ET by cl-natalie1981

[#3]

Further reading

how to use a strap on

Dildo harnesses are a great way of taking dildo play to a new level and of exploring sexual possibilities beyond what our bodies would generally let us do. As with all sex toys, there's no one right way to use a dildo harness, but if you've never used one before here are some basic tips on how to use a dildo harness.

solo

For some people the first time they strap on a dildo harness they immediately develop a role and personae for themselves with their new body parts. But most of us require a little time getting used to the idea, and the feel of the harness and the dildo. If you can come into our store to shop then you will hopefully have already tried on your dildo harness. If not, be sure to try it on and get a feel for it a few times before you use it with a partner. Put it on and walk around with it. Try thrusting and dancing, sitting up and lying down. See what it feels like to have the harness on under your clothes without a dildo and with one.

find the fit

Find the right position on your body for the harness and make sure the size adjustments are most comfortable. You want the harness to fit as snugly against your body as possible, keeping the dildo tight to your body, but you don't want it to feel uncomfortable. Take note of the position of the buckles and straps, and when you take it off, slip out of it while keeping the other straps in place.

rubber love

Unless you are using a dildo that can be boiled in water you should always use a condom on dildos in harnesses. Using condoms is also a great way to make clean up easier, and to extend the life of your dildo. If you're going to use your dildo vaginally and anally you need to use a fresh condom for each kind of play.

get a feedback loop

When you use a dildo harness you won't have the same immediate feedback because you can't feel the tip or shaft of the dildo and so won't know exactly what's going on for your partner. You need to pay more attention to your partner's non-verbal cues and ask for plenty of verbal feedback as well.

keep it lubed

Make sure to use plenty of lubricant on your dildo and if you're going to be playing for a while be prepared to add more lube. Pulling your dildo all the way out of your partner can be distracting so if you can add lube while playing it's even better. Of course you can always make pulling out a part of the tease of the sex play too.

use what's free

One of the great benefits of using a harness is that it leaves other parts of your body free for use. Use what you've got to touch and stimulate your partner (your hands, your arms, etc...) You can also use a free hand to add stimulation from a vibrator.

thrusting vs. rubbing

If using a dildo harness is your first time penetrating someone you may think that what's called for is immediate and intense thrusting. In-and-out penetration is something lots of people like, but others prefer the feel of having the dildo all the way in their body and getting a lot of pelvic rubbing and grinding going on. Mix it up and be sure to ask your partner what works best for them.

double dildo harnesses

There are some harnesses designed to allow both wearer and receiver to have a dildo for penetration. There are also several double dildos designed to be worn in a harness that give both parties a dildo.

the extras

If you're looking for a way to add clitoral stimulation for the wearer, the receiver, or both of you, there are many options. Try the Rodeo Rider which sits inside the harness to provide friction and stimulation to the wearer's clitoris.

Taken from http://www.comeasyouare.com/default/index.cfm/sex-tips/sex-toy-how-tos/how-to-use-a-strap-on/

[#4]

Just a thought- i wouldn't use a dildo too early in a relationship. need to get to know someone and build some trust i think.

but they are very handy additions to one's sexlife i think

i wouldnt fancy a 'realistic' one- the plain ones are best. shhh ones good but pricey

have never tried a glass or ceramic one- anyone got a review from personal experience?

[#5]

Those glass ones have intrigued me since I saw them a few years ago on that sexcetera. they interviewed a bloke that made them to order. They're a real work of art too lol.
If it helps, Scarlet magazine rated them really well. and also apparently they're great for teasing a partner if kept in the freezer (the glass ones that dont vibrate) as you can stimulate the nipples etc with it.
If you fancy trying a glass one, I remember Pabo selling them and the cheapest is about £20. Obviously I cant put up a link to it but either google Pabo or put a dot com after the word =)