[#1]

My partner n I split up fafter 2 years this was back end jan.  I joined a datin site n met a wonderful guy from  ireland middle of feb. He is over in Scotland alot due to work and is currently lookin to buy a flat in city to help with the commutin but still has his home in ireland.  My ex partner then turned up the night after my date n said he wanted us to work things out..we were arguin about stupid stuff but nothin really important altho but constantly..i found tht  he deliberately wound me up n sometimes i would be violent towards him..not good i know.  I then had to tellmy irish fella that i was workin it out wi ex and then it was off on off on and i always ran back to irish fella as couldnt get him out my head.  I put off seein him but i carried on textin him and him me constantly throughout the day every day for past six weeks.  I then ultimately got back wi ex but couldnt tell irish fella...i hav made out im single??...irish fella was over last night n i met up wi him and things are really intense between us..we eneded up n bed n it just felt so natural...however sex with my partner is better probably cos he knows me better however there is a connection with irish fella n i know he has fell for me in a big way...i dont know how to get out of this situation..how do i say im not single..how do i tell someone who clearly doteson me that im a big fat liar?  I never thought in a million years i would ever cheat wi my partner..but in a way i dont feel like iam..if that makes sense...it just felt so right..i dunno what to do how do u know what is right....irish guy has hinted he has fell in love wi me.....i think we could make a go of it but i clearly still love my partner n fancy him like mad..he makes me go weak at the knees just lookin at him...i wonder tho if its forever....sometimes i think he aint commited to me...however i dont believe ther has ever been anyone else.  I cannot stand either the thought of us not bein tgether but cant get irish fella out my mind...irish fella says he would move heaven n earth to be wi me...its all a big mess...any advice owukld be great thanks

[#2]

My partner n I split up fafter 2 years this was back end jan.  I joined a datin site n met a wonderful guy from  ireland middle of feb. He is over in Scotland alot due to work and is currently lookin to buy a flat in city to help with the commutin but still has his home in ireland.  My ex partner then turned up the night after my date n said he wanted us to work things out..we were arguin about stupid stuff but nothin really important altho but constantly..i found tht  he deliberately wound me up n sometimes i would be violent towards him..not good i know.  I then had to tellmy irish fella that i was workin it out wi ex and then it was off on off on and i always ran back to irish fella as couldnt get him out my head.  I put off seein him but i carried on textin him and him me constantly throughout the day every day for past six weeks.  I then ultimately got back wi ex but couldnt tell irish fella...i hav made out im single??...irish fella was over last night n i met up wi him and things are really intense between us..we eneded up n bed n it just felt so natural...however sex with my partner is better probably cos he knows me better however there is a connection with irish fella n i know he has fell for me in a big way...i dont know how to get out of this situation..how do i say im not single..how do i tell someone who clearly doteson me that im a big fat liar?  I never thought in a million years i would ever cheat wi my partner..but in a way i dont feel like iam..if that makes sense...it just felt so right..i dunno what to do how do u know what is right....irish guy has hinted he has fell in love wi me.....i think we could make a go of it but i clearly still love my partner n fancy him like mad..he makes me go weak at the knees just lookin at him...i wonder tho if its forever....sometimes i think he aint commited to me...however i dont believe ther has ever been anyone else.  I cannot stand either the thought of us not bein tgether but cant get irish fella out my mind...irish fella says he would move heaven n earth to be wi me...its all a big mess...any advice owukld be great thanks

[#3]

Hi hun and welcome to the board, 

Your usual cl x_debs_x is away this weekend so I'm just keeping an eye for her, she'll be back next week and will have some great advice for you.

In the meantime, the main thing that strikes me about your situation is that there is so much going on with both these guys that I don't think you are getting the time or space to think clearly about what you really want and what is right for you.

It sounds as if both of them are pushing you to commit to them? Do you think this may be because both can sense you are not there emotionally 100%? Please don't rush in to committing to either of them, you have so much to think about with both of them. It seems you are caught in the middle of three options, to stay with your long term boyfriend, leave him and take a chance with the Irish guy, or to take some time out on your own and figure out what you really want (which may end up being neither of them).

I know with your long term partner there is a big pull when you have a shared history and familiarity but you also need to think about the reasons why you split and whether you can see any great improvement in those areas. Is he taking on board the things that led to the split or is he being complacent because now you are back he doesn't need to work so hard?

The Irish guy, well, it's still early days and all relationships are amazing in the early days, he too will have bad habits that irritate you and sometimes very intense relationships can burn out and leave you  high and dry - and alone. If you decide to go with him, don't burn all your bridges as far as friends, home, work etc are concerned. Take some time to really get to know him and don't feel you have to make it work if you leave your partner for him. It's ok to make mistakes and learn from them.

Some time away on your own, or just a week or so with not seeing either of them would really help you to clear your head, I know that's the least comfortable option, and I'm never good at taking the most sensible option myself either but it would help you to take a step back and work things out,

Good luck hun

love

Teanna

xxx

[#4]

Hello my lovely,

Gosh you are in a pickle aren't you? i dont normally come on this board but i noticed your post so i thought i'd offer my two pence worth. From where i see it you have 4 choices.

1) you could come clean about the whole scenario to your irish fella and hope that he'll be fairly reasonable about it and at least salvage a friendship (although i'm not sure how likely that outcome will be)

2) keep lying and see them both, obv this is going to take ALOT of hard work on your part so be prepared for the fact that at times it could get really stressful and be prepared for the fact that if they find out, you'll more than likely lose them both

3) Draw a list of pro's and cons for each man (making sure they dont see them of course!) and make a decision about who you want to be with

4) Have niether of them (not the most tempting choice i realise, but perhaps the kindest from their point if view).

I hope it doesnt sound like i'm being callous or anything, just trying to be objective about what choices there are available to you. I personally think you could do with some time on your own without any men clouding your judgement or swaying your decision, but realistically speaking are you able to do that? It seems like you have strong feelings for both men

[#5]

I actually drew a list of pros n cons when we split up  for my partner n realised that there wasn't much pros?? ..apart from sex??   However i can see now he is makin a great attempt to rectify our arguin problems.  I don't think I know the other well enough to make a list as all I hav is the good points...maybe he is givin me all the compliments I want to hear at a time I feel insecure?  Problem is my partner n I live together I don't want an affair I just want to make a decision and make sure it's the right one.  I think it's cos I'm scared of throwin 2years away wi someone for a practical stranger n gettin it wrong.  However part of me wants my cake n eat it...I know that cant happen .  I have never so much as looked at another man n only went on this datin site as I was dumped.  I never expected to hav a date never mind a connection. I do realise I was unhappy for a while in many areas.  I feel like sometimes Im my partners mother... This irish bloke treats me like a queen is very attentive, says all the right things....but that always happens when u first meet someone...

I've tried to be on my own my partner moved out n I hated it when we split up .  I was desperate for him to come back and now he has I dunno what the hec Im doin.   

I'm thinkin that I should give it a proper go wi my partner n make up an excuse wi irish guy...I just don't even know how to find the words especially when I really don't want to do it......what could I say after all he has said?