[#1]

Hi I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. I'm 47, he's 54. He's always talking about sex and used to tell me that his ex wife complained that he always used to masturbate, and she hated it. I've got a very high sex drive and thought he had too, but when we do have sex, he can very rarely keep an erection and therefore very rarely ejaculates. I think it's me. I've had three children and he isn't particularly large in that department, and I think he doesn't get much 'friction'. I've tried talking about it but he just says its not me, he's a bit stressed/tired or both! What should I do?

[#2]

Hi I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. I'm 47, he's 54. He's always talking about sex and used to tell me that his ex wife complained that he always used to masturbate, and she hated it. I've got a very high sex drive and thought he had too, but when we do have sex, he can very rarely keep an erection and therefore very rarely ejaculates. I think it's me. I've had three children and he isn't particularly large in that department, and I think he doesn't get much 'friction'. I've tried talking about it but he just says its not me, he's a bit stressed/tired or both! What should I do?

[#3]

Hi madaccountant and welcome,

Does he still masturbate to your knowledge?  If he does, is it quite often like once a day or more?  This would undoubtably affect his ability to perform.

Have you tried getting him hard when he wakes up and making something of it, even if it is only giving him a hand job? This would certainly tell you quite a bit about his ability to keep his erection. What do you think about masturbation? Have you found or encouraged an opportunity to watch him? If you do it, and from what you say about yourself, you probably do, have you invited him to watch then note his erection?

I agree with him on the information you have given us, that it is not you.

Hope that helps.

Mm

[#4]

Hi, thanks for your reply. I presume he still masturbates but I don't know for sure. I have tried getting him hard in the mornings but then it always leads to penetrative sex and then he loses his erection. I'm all for masturbation, I do it myself and at times have suggested he watch me, he's always seemed up for it but then changes the subject when it comes down to it. I'm not sure that I could suggest watching him, wouldn't feel right. I think that after 3 children and the size of him (which is not large) that I don't give him enough friction. 😞

[#5]

A couple of suggestions come to mind from your reply.

The first thing in the morning hand job... Do not let him take charge at all. You keep a grip on him so he cannot manouver himself, so you can finish him off and learn about how much or little friction he does need.

Again with the masturbation make it so it is very difficult for him to avoid watching you. For instance when you both start foreplay, use one hand exclusively on yourself almost from the word go, whether or not he notices immediately, which he may not if you have any level of bed covering over you both to begin with. At the right moment to suit you move all the action to you by keeping hold of his erection and now making it very clear that is part of the pleasure you are giving yourself so it is hard for him not to watch. Do not allow him to join in. Kick the covers off and let yourself go, I cannot imagine a man who would not watch now, especially some of your involuntary actions will now be exciting him even more from your hand holding his erection.

His size... I have not used one, but cock rings are designed not only for fun, but to sustain erections.

You could also try very nobbly condoms which may exceite you but also transmit the feeling of your vagina a bit more to his cock. Do you use Kagel exersises?

You do not mention oral sex, does this figure in your lovemaking?

Mm