Hi Jackie,
It's hard to know how deeply he's involved if at all but I would suggest that you don't set yourself up as the villain or he will protect the female he sees as vulnerable. This can be an automatic response in men because that's their role.
It's hard to say much more without knowing more of the background or the character or personalities of the people but I would imagine your husband could possibly think you are better off than the school mum because you have him all the time and it could be because he knows how much he is yours that he over protects her.
Also because she is on her own she may well value every little thing he does for her more than you value what he does for you and by that I mean going out of your way to tell him how much you appreciate what he has gone out of his way to do. It's so much easier for her to do this and get away with it, I mean not come across as manipulative the way you might if you did it.
I don't mean to suggest you don't value what your husband does for you but most people in a relationship tend to take for granted what each does for the other because it is seen as their 'role', their contribution to the relationship for the mutual benefit of both partners and family.
Perhaps you could ask if there was some way you could help this poor woman too. Maybe use what knowledge you have of her to pitch your assistance in the right way.
Owly x
Hi,
I didn't mean to imply she was angelic just that she was vulnerable and likely to use her vulnerability on any man who has decent qualities, i.e. brought up to want to make a difference where he can which will be done all the moreso if he is praised and his value proclaimed.
She could be seen as a poor woman in a man's eyes who sees her as needing help and protection. Men on the whole generally wouldn't judge her for whatever indiscretions she's had in the past. It would matter even less if your husband has no inclination towards anything developing with her although with some men I could see that her past behaviour could lead to them wondering if she would offer them anything or try to encourage something to develop in which case it would be more an ego boost and if carried out would generally not increase her value as someone worthy of giving everything up for.
That wouldn't help the wives and partners of men in that position who have taken advantage of whatever might be offered.
Not being able to talk to her in front of you IS suspicious. Your husband is on dodgy ground there because he's creating a separation within your relationship that you are prevented from crossing. This is stupid beyond belief on his part.
It makes me think that he is afraid of something. I can't say what that something might be. Obviously we can all think of the worst case scenario but it may not have got that far and could be due to something else. Have you thought about contacting her directly for a friendly chat or an offer of help?
I'd be tempted to record whatever conversation goes on in this other room. Like "I'll just grab my magazine to read if you're going to be chatting a while", dash in and switch something on but bear in mind that it might cause more hassle and suspicion or prove your suspicions and the way you then found out could be used against you and probably would be in that he'd be calling you all sorts for spying on him. But then I'd say he brought it about by creating a secret space when that wasn't part of the vows you made when you got married.
Really he should wise up and realise what he's risking. Just think he's a stupid man for being this secretive for what should be no reason and if it is for no reason then why do it. I'm not at all surprised that you are suspicious. I'm surprised you've tolerated this.
Also bear in mind that if he discovers what you've done or tried to do he will go further underground in keeping things from you.
Owly x
