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pringle2009
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parents living with me :(

5 Posts
29-04-2012 22:40

Hi

My parents moved in with me temporarily for "2 weeks" in december 2010.... its April 2012 and they are still here.  They lived in a rented house and although they paid the rent, the landlord didn't pay his mortgage and so they had to move when the mortgage company sold the property.  As it was just before Christmas I said they could live with me.  

I live in a small 2 bedroom house with my Daughter who is 13.  My parents sleep in the living room on my settees.  Now to me this was only temporary.  My house looks like a bomb site as all there belongings are in there piled up.  Mom cooks meals for her and my dad while i cook for me and my daughter, this ends up i live on microwave meals as i cant get to the cooker.  I work part time, and they never go out.  I would love one day on my own with my daughter in our house.  My daughter has taken to living upstairs and only comes down for food.  Im getting depressed as I seem to be living as a child again in my parents home.  They have completely taken over everything.  

If i go out i have to be back by 11 because they sleep downstairs I would wake them up. When i do go out I get asked 20 questions... I would like to point out that I am 39, not a child.  I just cant cope anymore im at my wits end.  How can I ask them to move out? I've tried before (lots of times) but Mom starts saying we have no where to go.  They look at rented properties but none of them are "suitable", they are on a main road, they are on a housing estate, they are damp bla bla bla.  Seems they find any excuse wrong with the houses.  But they can look at mobile homes to buy... I cant understand them and i dont want to appear selfish but I want my house and my life with my daughter back.  

Please has anyone any ideas, or has anyone been in this situation?  

Thank you 

Pringle2009 x
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pringle2009
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Message 1 of 6 (3,671 Views)
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parents living with me :(

5 Posts
29-04-2012 22:40

Hi

My parents moved in with me temporarily for "2 weeks" in december 2010.... its April 2012 and they are still here.  They lived in a rented house and although they paid the rent, the landlord didn't pay his mortgage and so they had to move when the mortgage company sold the property.  As it was just before Christmas I said they could live with me.  

I live in a small 2 bedroom house with my Daughter who is 13.  My parents sleep in the living room on my settees.  Now to me this was only temporary.  My house looks like a bomb site as all there belongings are in there piled up.  Mom cooks meals for her and my dad while i cook for me and my daughter, this ends up i live on microwave meals as i cant get to the cooker.  I work part time, and they never go out.  I would love one day on my own with my daughter in our house.  My daughter has taken to living upstairs and only comes down for food.  Im getting depressed as I seem to be living as a child again in my parents home.  They have completely taken over everything.  

If i go out i have to be back by 11 because they sleep downstairs I would wake them up. When i do go out I get asked 20 questions... I would like to point out that I am 39, not a child.  I just cant cope anymore im at my wits end.  How can I ask them to move out? I've tried before (lots of times) but Mom starts saying we have no where to go.  They look at rented properties but none of them are "suitable", they are on a main road, they are on a housing estate, they are damp bla bla bla.  Seems they find any excuse wrong with the houses.  But they can look at mobile homes to buy... I cant understand them and i dont want to appear selfish but I want my house and my life with my daughter back.  

Please has anyone any ideas, or has anyone been in this situation?  

Thank you 

Pringle2009 x
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Pringle2009 x
owly_2001
Community Leader
Message 2 of 6 (1,831 Views)

Hi Pringle,

They ought to be able to be rehoused fairly quickly on the grounds of overcrowding at your house. You or they could look at houses being offered by various housing associations. You may find some advertised in your local free paper or online.

What I think happens where I live is a person puts their name down to be rehoused and then applies for different properties until they are successful. Usually there are several others after the same houses all the time but eventually they would be successful.

I don't know how old your parents are but if they are 55 or older or have a disability they may qualify for a better standard of house or bungalow.

I think you're going to have to be firm with them. It may sound strange but if you wrote them a letter about how this is affecting you and what you'd like them to do and then left it with them while you went out with your daughter and returned later after they have had chance to read it and think about what they need to do, they may be more inclined to start doing something about moving out.

At least they would understand the depth of your feelings and the way it was affecting you.

It probably traumatised them to find they had to move home like they did and being with you has eased their minds and unfortunately made them reluctant to risk going back to living on their own.

It sounds like you've been the one doing most of the adjusting whereas if you lived as you wanted to be able to do they might find themselves wanting to move out more. I'm thinking of how things would be if you lived as you wanted to and forced them to adjust more and more until it became intollerable for them and they'd want to get out for their own sanity.

Owly x

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owly_2001
Community Leader
Message 3 of 6 (1,830 Views)

Have had a look on the net and I suspect your parents could be classed as lodgers yeah ?

If they are paying you then depending on how much you could have to declare it and pay tax on it. So they could be getting you into trouble the longer they remained with you.

There is the rent a room scheme....

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/Taxes/TaxOnPropertyAndRentalIncome/DG_4017804

Another thing to consider is your insurance apparently. If you fail to tell your insurer that someone else is now living in the property with you and intend on making a claim on the contents or buildings then you may find that the claim is repudiated on the basis that it could have been caused by the new person at the property.

You may find this interesting as it sounds like a similar situation to your own...

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=1783747

Scroll down that page until you see #20.

Owly x

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oh2bhappy
Community Leader
Message 4 of 6 (1,817 Views)
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How difficult for you.

Brilliant suggestions from Owly too.  Do they have their names on any waiting lists with housing associations or the local council?  I wonder if Citizens Advice Bureau can help with application forms and suggestion for them.

Perhaps setting a deadline of 8 weeks would help?  And then take some serious steps to get them to leave. 

I really feel so sorry for you.

JANE

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JANE

pringle2009
iVillage Member
Message 5 of 6 (1,812 Views)
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Thank you Owly and Jane 

 

they dont pay anything here, but maybe I should mention money to them although if I do that it will affect my benefits too, so that in itself gives me another reason to ask them to leave.  

Ive been thinking about this a lot since I posted on here and I have found a few houses that they may be interested and shown them to them tonight, I hope they will take a look at them but they didnt really seem that interested, mom mentioning about the main road outside one of them, and another having hardly any back garden.  I even mentioned them renting my house off me and me and my Daughter move out, her reply "this house isnt big enough for me and your dad"... I couldnt really believe what I heard lol.  

If they dont like those houses then I will give them some notice and if they dont find anything they will have to complete homeless applications for the council and I know they dont want to go down that route as they did sign up with the council when they first moved in here.

I never know if they are properly listening to me, however Im not going to give up this time.  I cant tolerate them here any longer and I certainly cant afford for them to live here even if I do charge them...  This has to be one of the toughest things I have had to do, and I only wish I had a bigger house for them to be able to live with me.  

Pringle2009 x
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oh2bhappy
Community Leader
Message 6 of 6 (1,807 Views)
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Goodness!  They must be saving a fortune living with you.  Awww pringle, I am really sorry that they don't seem to be thinking too much about things.

JANE

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JANE

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