[#1]

between us we have 6 kids, eldest 26 and youngest 3 (both mine/ours) - there is a middle group that includes the majority of the kids are his.  they all live with us.  I have been the "mum" to this family since 2005 when the youngest of my husbands was 6, he was a single parent after his wife left him.  the problem is that i feel that i am doing all the work to care for the family and he is very flippent towards his own kids.  i am aware that their is jealously between his children about me and our youngest.  i try and make time for him to spend time with only his kids without me and without my child been around but there is nearly always our baby around.  however they still feel that they are not getting enough time and are not been treated equally to me and our daugther.  i have explained money to the kids and how the middle group get more that the elder group (one living independently and one at uni and we do not support them financially at all) and the youngest in real terms for clothes, pocket money etc. i have explained that i have done everything i promised i would do.  i sold my home, moved into a bigger place and left my job which made my husband and the kids where so much happier when they had a "mum" at home at the end of the school day rather than carers etc (i was very focussed towards my job and would work until 7pm because i wanted to build a good career which had been my focus for 10yrs)  now has the job of his dreams and the kids are kidding off and i feel that i have lost everying. my own home and career for nothing by pain, saddest and grief.  i feel that i am failed at been a parent because i am always nagging them to clean their rooms.  i would not have such an issue if there was not a 3 year old sharing the space.  if they wanted their room to be a dump like all teenage,  then so be it .  but i cant have 3 yr old playing in that space.  so i have nagged, shouted, explained how and why i want school books etc out of the babys way.  but still they dont listen and one day soon books, dvds etc are going to be lost, dmaged and written on in crayon and i will be blamed because i let her play with their stuff. they say i give them the guilt trip because i feel i have given up a lot for them (i was financially independent, living in my own home, working  full tim, career focused and very ambious who had raised 1 child and had a 5 year at home as a single parent) and now i have nothing.  my only fucus is looking after them and been there at home waiting for them to return from school.  the only thing i ask from them is they keep their bedrooms tidy.   i taugt my son to respect my husband because he is the head of the house hold, however his has never taught his kids to respect me as the mother of the household (in my view).  they tell me that it is always my fault that they are getting into trouble, they hate the fact i tell their dad about what has happened during the day. i know as a working parent that when i came home i wanted to how what the kids had been up to good or bad.  i also dont have any parental responsibility towards his kids which i am very aware of which is why i do tell him everything.  if their was a problem with my child i would be very confident about how i would handle it and would not hesitate to undertake any action.  however i dont want to over step the mark.  they feel that i am having their stuff taken off them because they leave it on the floor. hair straigters etc.  however if the youngest played with them she could hurt herself.  hubby says that i should take stuff of them and they will eventually learn,  the problem is after 3 years of telling them the same thing every week, nothing works and the baby is still in a cot to keep her from playing with their things.  i cant have her in a cot for ever and the kids already hate me for constantly been on their backs and shouting about their room etc.  i have already lost it once this month and as a final resort (at my husband suggestion) packed all the kids stuff in plastic bags and treat their stuff as rubbish if it is left on the floor and then asked them to put their stuff away properly.  however a week later it is still a mess, school books in a 3 year olds reach ready to be drawn on, hair dryers, make up, dvds, clothes etc all over the floor. I am aware that this is typical teen behaviour but it is so not acceptable.  he says to do it again.  however because of the hours my hubby works i am making myself the bad step-mother again, the one who takes their stuff and gets them told off by dad, who had a baby with their dad and now they have to put up with me and her.  he says they will learn to put their stuff away if once a week everything in the wrong place is in a plastic bags until it is safe and we can put a third bed in the room. or should we just put a bed in the room and let the battles continue and their stuff be in a plastic bag every day until it is put away properly.  I know that this is what i should do but i just dont know if i am strong enough for the crap the is going to come.  I have already had six weeks fo crap off them and i just dont know if i can take any more.  i know i am venting and i should not care because as a parent if they dont like me that should not bother me, which is what i told my eldest.  i am not his friend i am his parent. but i dont want to be battling with middle group of kids forever.  hubby saying that in 6 years time the last of the middle lot will be leaving to go to uni etc and i should focus on that. a time when we dont need a bigger house because even with two full time wages we could not afford a 4 bed house, which i know would have been the ideal.  which is why me moved to a location where we could live off just one wage in a 3 bed house.  i know that we made the best practical chose for our blended family but because of all that his happening now they have said they are moving to live with ther other parent so after 7 years of trying to make things work, i could just have stayed in my own house, had our baby returned to work and moved to a different location where we were not worrying how far away from the ex's we where for contact etc. because he would have been having the kids every other weekend onl.  hubby says what makes his kids happy will make him happy but after 7 years why is he so willing to let them go so easily.  or is it because he is fed up of me nagging his kids. which he is forever saying to me stop nagging and ranting at them for not doing stuff.  but i answer i nag his kids about their room because our baby is in there and their room is not safe for her. and i rant because i feel their is a lack of respect for me as the "Mother" of the home and chores i ask them to do should not be ignored like up your clean clothes away because the floor is not an appropriate place. and round and round it goes.  we argue about me nagging the kids, and all he says is take their stuff away from them if they dont listen, and they hate for taking their stuff away.  all this is happening while he is safely tucked away at work away from all the crap that comes along with been with the kids at home.  my rant / vent is over.  i know i just need to get on with it and if the kids leave it is not my fault.  but i believe it is

[#2]

between us we have 6 kids, eldest 26 and youngest 3 (both mine/ours) - there is a middle group that includes the majority of the kids are his.  they all live with us.  I have been the "mum" to this family since 2005 when the youngest of my husbands was 6, he was a single parent after his wife left him.  the problem is that i feel that i am doing all the work to care for the family and he is very flippent towards his own kids.  i am aware that their is jealously between his children about me and our youngest.  i try and make time for him to spend time with only his kids without me and without my child been around but there is nearly always our baby around.  however they still feel that they are not getting enough time and are not been treated equally to me and our daugther.  i have explained money to the kids and how the middle group get more that the elder group (one living independently and one at uni and we do not support them financially at all) and the youngest in real terms for clothes, pocket money etc. i have explained that i have done everything i promised i would do.  i sold my home, moved into a bigger place and left my job which made my husband and the kids where so much happier when they had a "mum" at home at the end of the school day rather than carers etc (i was very focussed towards my job and would work until 7pm because i wanted to build a good career which had been my focus for 10yrs)  now has the job of his dreams and the kids are kidding off and i feel that i have lost everying. my own home and career for nothing by pain, saddest and grief.  i feel that i am failed at been a parent because i am always nagging them to clean their rooms.  i would not have such an issue if there was not a 3 year old sharing the space.  if they wanted their room to be a dump like all teenage,  then so be it .  but i cant have 3 yr old playing in that space.  so i have nagged, shouted, explained how and why i want school books etc out of the babys way.  but still they dont listen and one day soon books, dvds etc are going to be lost, dmaged and written on in crayon and i will be blamed because i let her play with their stuff. they say i give them the guilt trip because i feel i have given up a lot for them (i was financially independent, living in my own home, working  full tim, career focused and very ambious who had raised 1 child and had a 5 year at home as a single parent) and now i have nothing.  my only fucus is looking after them and been there at home waiting for them to return from school.  the only thing i ask from them is they keep their bedrooms tidy.   i taugt my son to respect my husband because he is the head of the house hold, however his has never taught his kids to respect me as the mother of the household (in my view).  they tell me that it is always my fault that they are getting into trouble, they hate the fact i tell their dad about what has happened during the day. i know as a working parent that when i came home i wanted to how what the kids had been up to good or bad.  i also dont have any parental responsibility towards his kids which i am very aware of which is why i do tell him everything.  if their was a problem with my child i would be very confident about how i would handle it and would not hesitate to undertake any action.  however i dont want to over step the mark.  they feel that i am having their stuff taken off them because they leave it on the floor. hair straigters etc.  however if the youngest played with them she could hurt herself.  hubby says that i should take stuff of them and they will eventually learn,  the problem is after 3 years of telling them the same thing every week, nothing works and the baby is still in a cot to keep her from playing with their things.  i cant have her in a cot for ever and the kids already hate me for constantly been on their backs and shouting about their room etc.  i have already lost it once this month and as a final resort (at my husband suggestion) packed all the kids stuff in plastic bags and treat their stuff as rubbish if it is left on the floor and then asked them to put their stuff away properly.  however a week later it is still a mess, school books in a 3 year olds reach ready to be drawn on, hair dryers, make up, dvds, clothes etc all over the floor. I am aware that this is typical teen behaviour but it is so not acceptable.  he says to do it again.  however because of the hours my hubby works i am making myself the bad step-mother again, the one who takes their stuff and gets them told off by dad, who had a baby with their dad and now they have to put up with me and her.  he says they will learn to put their stuff away if once a week everything in the wrong place is in a plastic bags until it is safe and we can put a third bed in the room. or should we just put a bed in the room and let the battles continue and their stuff be in a plastic bag every day until it is put away properly.  I know that this is what i should do but i just dont know if i am strong enough for the crap the is going to come.  I have already had six weeks fo crap off them and i just dont know if i can take any more.  i know i am venting and i should not care because as a parent if they dont like me that should not bother me, which is what i told my eldest.  i am not his friend i am his parent. but i dont want to be battling with middle group of kids forever.  hubby saying that in 6 years time the last of the middle lot will be leaving to go to uni etc and i should focus on that. a time when we dont need a bigger house because even with two full time wages we could not afford a 4 bed house, which i know would have been the ideal.  which is why me moved to a location where we could live off just one wage in a 3 bed house.  i know that we made the best practical chose for our blended family but because of all that his happening now they have said they are moving to live with ther other parent so after 7 years of trying to make things work, i could just have stayed in my own house, had our baby returned to work and moved to a different location where we were not worrying how far away from the ex's we where for contact etc. because he would have been having the kids every other weekend onl.  hubby says what makes his kids happy will make him happy but after 7 years why is he so willing to let them go so easily.  or is it because he is fed up of me nagging his kids. which he is forever saying to me stop nagging and ranting at them for not doing stuff.  but i answer i nag his kids about their room because our baby is in there and their room is not safe for her. and i rant because i feel their is a lack of respect for me as the "Mother" of the home and chores i ask them to do should not be ignored like up your clean clothes away because the floor is not an appropriate place. and round and round it goes.  we argue about me nagging the kids, and all he says is take their stuff away from them if they dont listen, and they hate for taking their stuff away.  all this is happening while he is safely tucked away at work away from all the crap that comes along with been with the kids at home.  my rant / vent is over.  i know i just need to get on with it and if the kids leave it is not my fault.  but i believe it is