[#1]

Ok not sure where to post this as Jill knows my problem with food has taken me the other way.  I'm obsessed with it all the same though.

Anyway back to the problem of being scared. I've actually had a mini lightbulb moment (only mini) whilst eating ordinary full fat Greek yogurt last night. I'm actually frightened to eat full fat. Id not thought about it before but I try to avoid butter, olive oil, cream or anything that's full fat. On the other side of things I'll gorge on chocolate, biscuits and crisps often in secret without another thought.  Yet full fat foods I run from and fat is supposed to satisfy you more!!

Comparing yogurts yesterday the full fat one had 6gms of sugar while the low fat one had 16gms yet I'm drawn to that one because of the title low fat.  I want to add some chopped toasted nuts to the Greek yogurt but scared again because nuts are high in fat and calories.  I'm scared of gaining even more weight I still associate diet with starve from my previous years even thought I weigh more than ive ever done.  I'm frightened that giving in to full fat foods will mean loss of complete control and result in gaining huge amounts of weight

Sorry to post here but wasn't sure where to put it.

[#2]

Ok not sure where to post this as Jill knows my problem with food has taken me the other way.  I'm obsessed with it all the same though.

Anyway back to the problem of being scared. I've actually had a mini lightbulb moment (only mini) whilst eating ordinary full fat Greek yogurt last night. I'm actually frightened to eat full fat. Id not thought about it before but I try to avoid butter, olive oil, cream or anything that's full fat. On the other side of things I'll gorge on chocolate, biscuits and crisps often in secret without another thought.  Yet full fat foods I run from and fat is supposed to satisfy you more!!

Comparing yogurts yesterday the full fat one had 6gms of sugar while the low fat one had 16gms yet I'm drawn to that one because of the title low fat.  I want to add some chopped toasted nuts to the Greek yogurt but scared again because nuts are high in fat and calories.  I'm scared of gaining even more weight I still associate diet with starve from my previous years even thought I weigh more than ive ever done.  I'm frightened that giving in to full fat foods will mean loss of complete control and result in gaining huge amounts of weight

Sorry to post here but wasn't sure where to put it.

[#3]

Hugs Von. I get obcessive too. My nutricionist says to eat the normal stuff but in sensible portions, if that's any help which it probably isn't. We both need to rethink our relationship with food. We need to eat as you need fuel to run the body efficiently and if we starve ourselves the body fights back by trying to hang on to calories. It's the body's self preservation mode.

The moment we deny our body food, we focus on it even more which makes things far worse :-(. 

Just sending you hugs because I am also in a very bad place with food myself right now. And mum has fallen and broken her hip so worried there. BP has gone through the roof.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#4]

Von, aren't you on a diet anyway? So maybe full fat foods should be avoided. I can understand the being scared bit though.

Jill, hugs petal

[#5]

Hi Von,

My thing wasn't with full fat food but it was all about selective eating rather than restricting so I know where yo're coming from. 

This is the problem when we're told by "them" that the low fat high carb, or the low carb high protein or whatever way of eating is the best one. There are still people who believe that eggs are bad for you or that the combined MMR jab is harmful even when the "expert" who put it out there has been discredited. Information being dripped into our brains like that is like bullying, it reaches a point where it doesn't matter how much our parents and real friends tell us we're beautiful and clever and a great person, the words of the bully are the ones we hear loudest.

It doesn't matter whether fat is good for you or not, what matters is that it scares you to eat it, my list of safe foods was bonkers and totally contradictory - that's the way it works, if this stuff was a rational choice then none of us would do it would we? I know you won't see anyone about this but I really think you should consider reading the CBT book Juliet has and trying the moodgym Jill linked to months ago, it's really interesting. Alongside that reading up about nutrition and facing the fear might start to help you piece things together in your mind. Do you know what the various components of food actually do for your body  how useful fat is? Switching a light on gets rid of nightmares, arming yourself with tools in the form of knowledge and strategies to get through the tough times can help you see more clearly when it comes to this mental blockage. 

If you ever want to chat off the board send me a pm.

[#6]

Thanks Jill and Sam.  Can't find book at the minute after Xmas I think I had trouble logging on moodgym. I did consider doing a nutrition degree many years ago I was fairly tuned up on food.  I suppose it is like being drip fed poison slowly it starts taking a hold of everything.

I've only really just thought about it and how it affects me. It reminds me of my dad when mad cow disease was at its height a always remember my dad banning beef and refusing to eat it but the thing that probably contributed to his death was smoking and for that he always made excuses.  I do the same thing I regularly eat things I know aren't that good but are supposed to be 'diet' foods but avoid the ones that could be healthier.  Then there's the obvious argument ive eaten all low fat foods my entire adult life yet I'm more overweight than ever so proof in the pudding so to speak. I want this year to be different I don't want to live life exactly the same I want change and not repeat the same things over and over.

[#7]

CBT for Dummies is in stock on amazon, you can download it through iTunes or your library might have it. In terms of basic nutrition, what the components of food do for a bod, no need to go ott and get a degree the NHS, British Nutrition Foundation, Vegetarian Society and other websites all have pages that explain things in an easy to understand way. Vegsoc goes into detail with things like iron which might be useful. It doesn't need to be complex to retrain your brain you just have to do it. There is no try, there is no falling off the wagon it's all just living. Bad days are just as much a part of the process as good days, it's not about failure. 

[#8]

I have actually got that book somewhere the decluttering has taken a bit of a back seat with all my recent back pain :/

I suppose it is just part of living as you say. Its the fear sometimes of letting things go and trying a new completely alien way.  I'm aware of never giving things enough time as well if I haven't got the results I want in a couple of weeks then I'm off to pasture new.  I'm always looking for the next craze and jumping on that because obviously its worked for Tom, Dick n Harry so its got to work for me.

I have had some more Greek yogurt today with a handful of blueberries heated with a teaspoon of honey a teaspoon of pine nut and a pinch of cinnamon it was really nice and only a small portion but after I'm thinking about calories and whether or not I should have eaten it its mad.

All my slim friends who don't diet also don't eat any diet products and never will. Even now I'm writing this I'm watching Billy Blanks on the fitness channel thinking how slim everyone looks argh madness!

I would just like a normal relationship with food where there's no good or bad and enjoy the tastes and textures about thinking about calories and me expanding.

[#9]

I know what you mean with the food relationship.

Turn the fitness channel off.

[#10]

Had to turn fitness tv off Jakey kept barking at Billy Blanks lol.  Now I'm putting pressure on myself (slighty) as old gym buddy as just posted shes re joined the gym started classes and trying lose the weight she lost than regained.

I wonder what a healthy food relationship looks like . Lol Dh is talking about what's just happened in football like everyone is interested . Ds1 is playing with the dog, ds2 is playing his guitar and I'm on here bless.

[#11]

It takes a while but you can do it if you choose to acknowledge but release the past. Then there a days and weeks and months where you don't even think about what a calorie is or anything else and you don't even notice because it's just not important.