[#1]

Hello all

I haven't posted on here for a while and need some advice from others!

Now, i really hope no one hates me after what i'm going to say but..... 

My parents and his parents are TOTALLY different. Mine are fun loving, kind, supportive and would give you their last penny

His parents are as dull as dishwater! The type of household where you all sit in silence. My boyf also acts completely different around them. Like this prodigal son that never drinks or talks! When he's with mine, he has such a good time

What i am also finding difficult is that his sister has learning difficulties. She is a couple of years younger than him (31/32) and lives in a 'home' most of the week but is always back on weekends. I don't know why, but i find it so hard to accept. I can't bring myself to accept that he has a sister like this, i cant bring myself to talk to her. (You can't have a conversation with her anyway). I know this sounds just terrible, but i cannot stop thinking about it!

I am starting to make excuses not to go round. It is not the perfect scenario i have had in my head all these years when i finally met someone. We are currently in the process of buying a house together too, and dare i say it... his family puts me off him.

I feel like a horrible person but it's just how i feel. I think about things like, where will she sit at the wedding? Who will she talk to? I don't want her on the photos. As i said.. horrible!

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Thank you

[#2]

Hello all

I haven't posted on here for a while and need some advice from others!

Now, i really hope no one hates me after what i'm going to say but..... 

My parents and his parents are TOTALLY different. Mine are fun loving, kind, supportive and would give you their last penny

His parents are as dull as dishwater! The type of household where you all sit in silence. My boyf also acts completely different around them. Like this prodigal son that never drinks or talks! When he's with mine, he has such a good time

What i am also finding difficult is that his sister has learning difficulties. She is a couple of years younger than him (31/32) and lives in a 'home' most of the week but is always back on weekends. I don't know why, but i find it so hard to accept. I can't bring myself to accept that he has a sister like this, i cant bring myself to talk to her. (You can't have a conversation with her anyway). I know this sounds just terrible, but i cannot stop thinking about it!

I am starting to make excuses not to go round. It is not the perfect scenario i have had in my head all these years when i finally met someone. We are currently in the process of buying a house together too, and dare i say it... his family puts me off him.

I feel like a horrible person but it's just how i feel. I think about things like, where will she sit at the wedding? Who will she talk to? I don't want her on the photos. As i said.. horrible!

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Thank you

[#3]

Hi Loz,

It sounds as though you have an idea in your mind of how life should be and aren't able to deal with things which don't conform to those ideals.
This could be an age thing and I don't mean to be insulting by saying that. It's just that the more experiences we have and the more difficult those experiences are the more understanding, compassionate and accommodating we become.

I've seen people change from wanting perfection to realising life doesn't always go the way we'd like and sometimes or often it throws us challenges to cope with. We become better people if we face them and find a way of adjusting ourselves when finding a way to deal with it or sometimes just having to deal with something we can't get out of, reject or run away from makes us better people. 

So I wouldn't think badly of you for reacting the way you are to your boyfriend's family and his sister in particular. The more experiences we have the more we learn how to deal with similar situations in the future.

The staff at the home his sister goes to must be able to talk to her if not with her. You may not get chance to watch them and see how they operate but it would be good if you could because you'd learn how to do it too.

If however you aren't ready to change or learn how to adjust to people who aren't the same type of people you have been surrounded by and become more familiar with and you're making excuses then it's probably best not to take things further with your boyfriend.

I don't think there is an 'outside' answer with this problem. I think the answer lies 'inside' yourself with trying to learn more about people who are different in various ways and learning how to communicate with them however that may be.

Owly x

[#4]

Thank you so much for your reply

It totally makes sense. I do love him, and I know I won't find anyone else who loves me like he does

And like you say, not everything is perfect and life throws these things at you for a reason!

[#5]

Hi Loz,

I also think that life throws things at us that it knows we can overcome. It has more faith in us than we have in ourselves at times.

I wondered if it could just be a form of fear of the unknown which most of us would experience when faced with something we are unsure of.

I can still remember a time long ago when my fiance at the time (I was quite young) left my side to go across the road to help a blind man negotiate some pavement work going on. For the life of me I can't explain why I felt embarrassed by that but I am ashamed to say that I was.

It stayed with me for years that feeling and one day while waiting for a bus a blind man needed help recognising which bus was coming and needed help getting on and I stepped forward to help him. That's when I knew my original feelings when I was younger had been overcome.

Sorry if that sounds a bit sermon like but it is what happened and how I felt at the time. So I'm not going to judge you for the way you're feeling now about your boyfriend's sister.

Owly x