General Discussions
Other woman after my man
Hi everybody, I used ot be a regular on this board but haven't lurked around in a while, but now I dont know where else to turn for some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been togethr almost 2 years and we hve livd together for almost 1. Hi is lovely, genuinely a good guy and very friendly and welcoming to those he doesn't know.
Now recently a new temp (for 4 months) has started at his work. My fella has been talking about her saying how she doesn't know anyone here and wants us to be friends - great I thought, yeah, I'll go for lunch with her etc, new friend! So anyway last week I went to met him and his workmates for a drink and my god this girl gave me a LOOK. Straight up and down, didn't look me in the eye. She kept touching my boyfriends face and neck (she is french so I do understand there may be a cultural difference), and wouldnt talk English in front of me. MY boyfriend was still the same with me, affectionate, kissing me etc, just normal. But I could see that she is making a play for him, the way she was with me and the way she was with him.
Now she keeps texting him "I'm thirsty lets go for a drink" "I'm bored lets go for a walk"...and so on. Also messaging him on facebook. I took him some lunch into his work the other day (as we both do sometimes) and instead of saying hello to me she gave me the look of death! Then turned away as I was saying hello.
But what really pushed me was last night...I was supposed to be working a niht shitft but I was too ill so phoned in sick, my boyfriend came home to to find me having not left for work....fine.
An hour later she shows up. I answer the door, and I am fuming I can find it in myself to b plasent to her. She says she is looking for my boyfiend to see if he wants to walk her friends dog with her. I sent my boyfriend out to her, then I follow him. She can see I'm angry and she has the most SMUG look on her face. He swears that he didnt tell her I was supposed to be working and honestly he is not a liar. But she is crossing bounderies and putting a strain on our relationship and I honestly dont know what to do about it 
Please help me!
TK
Other woman after my man
Hi everybody, I used ot be a regular on this board but haven't lurked around in a while, but now I dont know where else to turn for some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been togethr almost 2 years and we hve livd together for almost 1. Hi is lovely, genuinely a good guy and very friendly and welcoming to those he doesn't know.
Now recently a new temp (for 4 months) has started at his work. My fella has been talking about her saying how she doesn't know anyone here and wants us to be friends - great I thought, yeah, I'll go for lunch with her etc, new friend! So anyway last week I went to met him and his workmates for a drink and my god this girl gave me a LOOK. Straight up and down, didn't look me in the eye. She kept touching my boyfriends face and neck (she is french so I do understand there may be a cultural difference), and wouldnt talk English in front of me. MY boyfriend was still the same with me, affectionate, kissing me etc, just normal. But I could see that she is making a play for him, the way she was with me and the way she was with him.
Now she keeps texting him "I'm thirsty lets go for a drink" "I'm bored lets go for a walk"...and so on. Also messaging him on facebook. I took him some lunch into his work the other day (as we both do sometimes) and instead of saying hello to me she gave me the look of death! Then turned away as I was saying hello.
But what really pushed me was last night...I was supposed to be working a niht shitft but I was too ill so phoned in sick, my boyfriend came home to to find me having not left for work....fine.
An hour later she shows up. I answer the door, and I am fuming I can find it in myself to b plasent to her. She says she is looking for my boyfiend to see if he wants to walk her friends dog with her. I sent my boyfriend out to her, then I follow him. She can see I'm angry and she has the most SMUG look on her face. He swears that he didnt tell her I was supposed to be working and honestly he is not a liar. But she is crossing bounderies and putting a strain on our relationship and I honestly dont know what to do about it
Please help me!
TK
Hi TK,
If you get chance you could have a casual conversation with someone you trusted who works where your bf does and see what you can find out about this girl. Try not to do it in any obviously suspicious way, just a natural casual curiosity. Maybe she is like that with everyone or just males. If she is very insecure she could need the attention more. It'd be interesting to know what kind of relationship she had with her father as that would give clues as to her needs from other men she knows.
The worst thing you could do is get sucked into her negative world. The best thing you could do would be to get her on side. Grit your teeth and try and get close to her and laugh at her antics with your bf. Smile when you see her cosying up and touching him. It will not be a reaction she is used to. Most likely she would receive hostile reactions which could make her feel good as she'll know you see her as a threat. She may have no real designs on him and the whole thing could be an amusement or for the confirmation that she looks good enough to be considered a threat by you and have him doing her work for her or at least someone she can use who won't resist her requests after she has made him feel good.
She is manipulative but to what ends is impossible to say at this stage.
If she saw you relaxing, smiling, leaning back, casually not bothered it would make you look more secure in your relationship. Don't mention her at home even if she's on your mind and you deeply need to know what she's said or done. It would add importance to her and he would start to take more notice of what she does because you seem to have a need to know. If he saw that it was upsetting you then he would begin to keep things from you and that's the last thing you want to happen.
Also don't be nasty about her to him as that could cause him to grow protective of her. Not because she matters but because it's what decent males do when a woman appears to be being attacked. Don't put him in that position as it will make you angry and you'll no doubt read more into his reaction than it ever would be.
Instead laugh her antics off as immature or insecure, needy, stereotypical of her culture, anything that diminishes her gestures but not in too negative a way and not too much as that would come across the same as being outright nasty about her. Just the odd laugh or joke in response to something he's said she's done. Throw in the odd compliment too to put him off the scent of what you're doing.
This puts you back in control and limits the effect she's having on your relationship.
Owly x
