[#1]

Hi everyone

Hope you don't mind me popping in.... I'm expecting my first baby next Feb but I have a problem that is taking over my pregnancy. I'm terrified of giving birth.

I wish I could explain exactly what about it scares me to the point of tears and panic attacks. My head is just constantly filled with thoughts of taring, pain, forceps, cord round the neck, baby starved of oxygen etc and I cannot get them out. Before we even started trying for a baby I went to see the doc to discuss it as the fear was preventing me from coming off the pill (I actually lied to my DH for a while as I thought he wouldn't understand and carried on taking it).

The only option I am happy with is a elective C-section. I have read everything I can possible find on C-sections, I know the risks, downsides, complications etc backwards and forwards but still I feel its the only option for me. When I saw the doc back in January I have to say she was fantastic, spending ages with me telling me that I wasn't alone in thinking like this and she promised me that as soon as the blue line appeared she would refer me over to the consultant as she felt that my pregnancy would be affected with the constant worry it was causing.

The nightmares and panic attacks went away and I thought at last with that reassurance, I could get on, get pregnant and be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I saw her again last month and the referal has been made and now I'm just waiting for a appointment however the panic came back the same time the blue line appeared and is worse than it ever was. I can't sleep because I'm having nightmares and the thought of it all is always in my head.

I feel now that I'm just at the stage that I can't carry on anymore. Having a termination would end my marriage and devestate me but I can't see this getting any better. I'm convinced that the consultant with think I'm being silly and turn me down or that I'll go into labour early. I'm so frightened that being forced into a normal delivery will cause me to panic and put my baby at risk during the birth. I'm also worried about what happens afterwards... Would being forced to do something, I going to say against my will as I can't think of any other way to put it, effect my ability to bond with my baby?? I want little bubble so much but all the stress and worry that is running through my head all the time has got to be doing some damage.

No one seems to fully understand this. One of my "friends" even told me that I wasn't fit to be a mother if I wasn't prepared to push the baby out. My DH doesn't really understand it all ither but he has said that it is my decision and he will never leave my side whatever happens but I don't know what to do. I feel awful.

I have posted in the C-section board as well and they have been very supportive but I'm still trying to find advice to make me feel better. Have any of you felt similar to me and come through it?

Sorry this is such a long post

Love
Hannah

[#2]

Hi everyone

Hope you don't mind me popping in.... I'm expecting my first baby next Feb but I have a problem that is taking over my pregnancy. I'm terrified of giving birth.

I wish I could explain exactly what about it scares me to the point of tears and panic attacks. My head is just constantly filled with thoughts of taring, pain, forceps, cord round the neck, baby starved of oxygen etc and I cannot get them out. Before we even started trying for a baby I went to see the doc to discuss it as the fear was preventing me from coming off the pill (I actually lied to my DH for a while as I thought he wouldn't understand and carried on taking it).

The only option I am happy with is a elective C-section. I have read everything I can possible find on C-sections, I know the risks, downsides, complications etc backwards and forwards but still I feel its the only option for me. When I saw the doc back in January I have to say she was fantastic, spending ages with me telling me that I wasn't alone in thinking like this and she promised me that as soon as the blue line appeared she would refer me over to the consultant as she felt that my pregnancy would be affected with the constant worry it was causing.

The nightmares and panic attacks went away and I thought at last with that reassurance, I could get on, get pregnant and be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I saw her again last month and the referal has been made and now I'm just waiting for a appointment however the panic came back the same time the blue line appeared and is worse than it ever was. I can't sleep because I'm having nightmares and the thought of it all is always in my head.

I feel now that I'm just at the stage that I can't carry on anymore. Having a termination would end my marriage and devestate me but I can't see this getting any better. I'm convinced that the consultant with think I'm being silly and turn me down or that I'll go into labour early. I'm so frightened that being forced into a normal delivery will cause me to panic and put my baby at risk during the birth. I'm also worried about what happens afterwards... Would being forced to do something, I going to say against my will as I can't think of any other way to put it, effect my ability to bond with my baby?? I want little bubble so much but all the stress and worry that is running through my head all the time has got to be doing some damage.

No one seems to fully understand this. One of my "friends" even told me that I wasn't fit to be a mother if I wasn't prepared to push the baby out. My DH doesn't really understand it all ither but he has said that it is my decision and he will never leave my side whatever happens but I don't know what to do. I feel awful.

I have posted in the C-section board as well and they have been very supportive but I'm still trying to find advice to make me feel better. Have any of you felt similar to me and come through it?

Sorry this is such a long post

Love
Hannah

[#3]

Hi there, I wish I could take all your fears away from you, so that you can start to enjoy this amazing time of your life. Childbirth is one of those things you cannot explain untill you have done it. Sure it hurts but there are things to help with the pain, you seem to go into your own little bubble where nothin else matters but gettin ur baby out, your body takes over, its such an amazing sense of Acheivement that you have birthed this tiny human being! Im pregnant with no.3 and yeah im abit nervous but also cant wait to have that great feelin again. Have you watched any birthing videos yet, cos they help and give you an idea as to what goes on, stars some Antenatal classes and let them in on your fears and concerns. As for seeing the consultant they are usually very reluctant in giving C sections unless there are health issues with the pregnancy, if your that worried then maybe A counsellor could help, I must say it was A very nasty thing your friend said you dont need people like that in your life. All I can say is there is nothing to worry about you will be fine, if I can do it so can you!!
Pls do keep me updated, try to relax a bit.

JO 25WKS PREG

[#4]

Hi Hannah,

Reading your posting has made me feel very sorry for you. I have also suffered from severe panis attacks for about the last 8 yrs on and off so I know how scary they are. But I have also had 2 healthy beautiful children. I too was very scared about giving birth, it is a huge thing for your body to endure. But the end result is so wonderful it really is all worth it. As you get towards the end of your pregnancy, and pretty fed up, you will find the thought of birth actually becomes wanted as you will do anything to get the baby out! Don't dismiss a natural birth, I recovered a lot more quickly than my friends who had c-sections. My second birth was quick and not very painful. I managed with just gas and air with both births. The best thing to do is wait nearer to the time and see how you feel then, because I'm sure you will feel differently.

Please do not terminate, you will regret it. It's a small amount of pain in comparrison to the lifetime of happiness x

[#5]

Hi

I posted the question can you choose to have a c section? Like you i am terrified of giving birth, but basically i dont think there is any chance of getting csection on nhs, unless your baby is breech etc. I already asked my midwife and she just gave me a blank 'no', and kind of laughed!? ..nice.
Anyway, im starting to feel a bit better about giving birth. One of my friends has 2 children, and she is always reassuring me. with her 2nd baby she had an epidural and was actually laughing through her contractions (that she couldnt even feel), she was in mothercare 7 hours later buying clothes!
The thing that i keep thinking to myself is, its gonna be a few hours of pain at the most, there will be all the professionals there to make sure nothing goes wrong, and if you have the epidural you might not feel a thing! Ive been watching a lot of baby programmes on tv and seeing a woman give birth with an epidural made me feel so much better. She didnt even break out in a sweat, not even a strain on her face.. a few pushes and that was it. After seeing that i felt a lot better.
Try not to think of it so much and concentrate more on the celebrations afterwards.
Another thing to think about is that most people give birth at some point, theres probably hundreds of women going through it right now.
Apparently its not all dramatic and screamy like it is on tv, my friend told me she didnt scream at all - a lot of people dont.

Good luck
Julie
(20wks with 1st baby)

[#6]

Hi

Thaks for replying. I had a long conversation with my midwife about it and she she was fantastic. She was so concerend she got me an appointment with a consultant straight away (Met midwife monday, saw doc friday).

I came away from appointment feeling much much better as the doc basically said that it was my choice. I need 2 consultants to agree nearer the time but she could see no problem. She explained that I was in no way the only women to feel like this and as long as I was happy with my decision then that was all that matters. One of the things that hit me was her saying that there were 2 possible outcomes of my having a normal delivery.. 1 would be that I would absolutly fine and come out of it wondering what I was bothered about or 2 (and she thought this was more likely given how severe my feelings are) I would have a major panic attack putting my life and baby's life at risk and ending in a emergancy c-section anyway. That's if I managed to make it through the preganacy with out going mad!

I have been warned to prepare myself as much as I can in case junior decides to come early but I would be booked in a week or so before my due to date to minimise the chance of me going into labour.

I feel so much more relaxed. DH said I had a huge grin on my face and now I feel like at last I can finally start enjoying this pregnancy. The doc told me that because its something women rarely talked about or would admit that some women have termination (as I almost did) or did everything they possibly could to have a miscarriage. I'm so glad that I managed to hang on until now as it feels like a huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders.

Thanks again for replying and good luck with you baby.

Love
Hannah and Snuffler
14+4

[#7]

Hiya

Welcome to the board, Everyones labour is different but i can understand where you are coming from. My first labour was horrible but i won't go into what happened.
Have you spoken to your m/w
love
cheryl

[#8]

Hi

Thank you for replying. Things are a lot better now. I have a very sympathetic midwife who was so concerned about my state of mind regarding it all she got me a consultant appoint for 3 days later. Talked it all through with the doc and I've basically been told that at the end of the day as long as I can prove I have thought everything through (which she said it was obvious I'd already done that) it was my decision. 2 consultants have to agree closer to the time but given the amount of distress a natural delivery would cause me then it was very unlikely they'd say no as it could risk mine and the babies life.

When I first met the midwife I did expect her to tell me to stop being stupid etc but it she couldn't have been more different. Having a women who delivers babies for a living sit in front of me and tell me that there was nothing wrong with me and I wasn't the first women who felt as strongly about it all as I did was the biggest relief ever. felt a huge weigh lift off me especially as I'd been told by one person (someone who I considered a friend) that if I wasn't prepared to push the baby out then I shouldn't be a mother!!

The fear is still there and I doubt it will ever go away as there is always the possibilty of going into labour or the consultants not agreeing etc but I can cope with it now.. just. I'm still having nightmares but the panic attacks easing off.

Love

Hannah and Snuffler
16+6