[#1]

I suffer with bi polar depression and since having my baby I have been suffering with anxiety and stress too! When I told my mum about my feelings she just brushed them off like they didn't matter and it would pass! She doesn't believe in depression or mental illness, she accused me of not loving my children! I see her once a week and I'm always left feeling worse! All she talks about is murder, child abuse, death and violence! Whenever I steer her onto another subject it so show manages to get back to something horrible again! I mean that's bad enough, but she talks about these things in front of my two youngest children, they are nine and six months! My nine year old daughter was sat playing at the dinner table and my mum started telling me about a story she heard about a girl who was violently raped! I literally had to tell her to shut up! I don't want my daughter hearing things like that! I just don't know what to do! I've grown up listening to this sort of thing and its damaged me, but I don't like it when she does it in front of my children! Please help!

[#2]

I suffer with bi polar depression and since having my baby I have been suffering with anxiety and stress too! When I told my mum about my feelings she just brushed them off like they didn't matter and it would pass! She doesn't believe in depression or mental illness, she accused me of not loving my children! I see her once a week and I'm always left feeling worse! All she talks about is murder, child abuse, death and violence! Whenever I steer her onto another subject it so show manages to get back to something horrible again! I mean that's bad enough, but she talks about these things in front of my two youngest children, they are nine and six months! My nine year old daughter was sat playing at the dinner table and my mum started telling me about a story she heard about a girl who was violently raped! I literally had to tell her to shut up! I don't want my daughter hearing things like that! I just don't know what to do! I've grown up listening to this sort of thing and its damaged me, but I don't like it when she does it in front of my children! Please help!

[#3]

Hi Emkatz,

Just because it was your mum who held an opinion of stress and depression, doesn't make her right. It shows her flawed thinking and dare I say, ignorance of the subject.

There are a lot of experts who have devoted a lot of time and money into discovering and developing ways and means to reduce the effects of stress and depression. Experts who are far more qualified to judge whether what they are working on exists or not.

I wonder if your mother is burying her head in the sand a bit and instead of thinking there is no such thing, she's actually trying to deny something that could be affecting her too.

Mental illness can run in families and if she's experienced some symptoms or witnessed them in other family members she could be afraid of it. If she is fearful of it you might be able to use that to re-train her to stay quiet on negative and depressing subjects.

You could try telling her that her dwelling on negative news items etc could be a sign that she's not doing too well herself in regards to the way her mind is working. Then every time she brings up a negative subject you can tell her that she's showing more symptoms and really should see someone about it.

Be prepared for her to come out of her corner with all guns blazing, accusing you of not being right etc.

Try to stay calm and tell her that you seriously do think she needs help over the way she dwells so much on negative news items and feels it's ok to share this with children. That anyone who didn't have a problem wouldn't do that kind of thing. 

Anything that she can go away and think about might mean she starts to change her behaviour for fear of giving anything away about how she's feeling. 

She might verbally attack you at the time but she may also inwardly digest it when she's on her own. 

Another method might be to turn her visits into a game so that anyone who mentions anything negative, anything that isn't happy news, has to pay a forfeit. If the children understand this then they could jump up and down and pick up on nanny saying something that wasn't happy news and so she has to do something funny to make up for it.

Owly x