[#1]

Hi...need some advice!!!

Ive been with current partner for 3 years. We have a 10 month old  DD and I have a 10 year son from previous relationship.

This weekend has been hell. During my maternity leave - we seemed to get ontop of each other so much that it was a relief (for both of us) for me to return to work. Hes a police officer so works shift paaterns - earlies, lates and nights. He can be the most placid, loving caring kind natured person I know. But thats such a horrible mean side to him. He can be so nasty! Name calling - which hurts!! 

I'm no angel and I have probably wound him up at times. But this weekend im feeling really fed up. This week was half term so I took the 2 children to my parents house for the week, so that we could both work. My parents live an hours drive away. I drove up for the jubilee weekend - stayed until the wednesday morning and left them for my partner to pick up on Thursday. Now he called me to say could they come back Tuesday so that his parents (who live local to us) could look after them - meant less petrol money spent... I said that this had been planned for a long while and that my M+D were looking forward to having the 2 and spending time with them.

My DP picked them up Thursday - got stuck in horrendous M25 traffic - so when  I arrived home from work he was fuming that it had been my fault. I was really upset as had rushed home as excited to see everyone. He brought my pillows down - threw them at me at told me to sleep downstairs!!!!! Tried sleeping downstairs - then on my sons sofa bed and then asked my DP if I could please sleep in the bed as totally shattered...reply was 'as long as you don't touch or talk to me'

Felt utterly miserable at work on Friday - very embarassingly nearly broke into floods of tears when my team leader asked if all was ok.

Coming home Friday was even worse! I was half expecting to come home to an apology....I got nothing!!! Apparently I irritate my boyfriend so much...I feel absolutely useless. He watches over what I do with our DD. Anything my sons dad does we can do because its something'he does'

Just cant get anything right! His family think nothings wrong....he bottles everthing up - im not allowed to say anything to anyone or that would be it!

Hes gone out tonight - but the way he says it hes wanting me to start throwing myself on the floor begging him to stay!!!!

We're meant to be getting a mortgage together....what do i do!

How can someone who can be lovely get so increadibky stressed that almost my breathing irritates him??

[#2]

Hi...need some advice!!!

Ive been with current partner for 3 years. We have a 10 month old  DD and I have a 10 year son from previous relationship.

This weekend has been hell. During my maternity leave - we seemed to get ontop of each other so much that it was a relief (for both of us) for me to return to work. Hes a police officer so works shift paaterns - earlies, lates and nights. He can be the most placid, loving caring kind natured person I know. But thats such a horrible mean side to him. He can be so nasty! Name calling - which hurts!! 

I'm no angel and I have probably wound him up at times. But this weekend im feeling really fed up. This week was half term so I took the 2 children to my parents house for the week, so that we could both work. My parents live an hours drive away. I drove up for the jubilee weekend - stayed until the wednesday morning and left them for my partner to pick up on Thursday. Now he called me to say could they come back Tuesday so that his parents (who live local to us) could look after them - meant less petrol money spent... I said that this had been planned for a long while and that my M+D were looking forward to having the 2 and spending time with them.

My DP picked them up Thursday - got stuck in horrendous M25 traffic - so when  I arrived home from work he was fuming that it had been my fault. I was really upset as had rushed home as excited to see everyone. He brought my pillows down - threw them at me at told me to sleep downstairs!!!!! Tried sleeping downstairs - then on my sons sofa bed and then asked my DP if I could please sleep in the bed as totally shattered...reply was 'as long as you don't touch or talk to me'

Felt utterly miserable at work on Friday - very embarassingly nearly broke into floods of tears when my team leader asked if all was ok.

Coming home Friday was even worse! I was half expecting to come home to an apology....I got nothing!!! Apparently I irritate my boyfriend so much...I feel absolutely useless. He watches over what I do with our DD. Anything my sons dad does we can do because its something'he does'

Just cant get anything right! His family think nothings wrong....he bottles everthing up - im not allowed to say anything to anyone or that would be it!

Hes gone out tonight - but the way he says it hes wanting me to start throwing myself on the floor begging him to stay!!!!

We're meant to be getting a mortgage together....what do i do!

How can someone who can be lovely get so increadibky stressed that almost my breathing irritates him??

[#3]

If a friend was telling you this, what would you say?

While I can understand that perhaps the pressures at work can make anyone tired or moody, there is no excuse for calling your partner names and being nasty.

From what you've written, he sounds like a controlling bully. 

Have you spoken to your Mum and Dad about things?  You need to speak to someone you trust about this.

If he can't explain to you why he's feeling so stressed, then personally I wouldn't even be considering buying anywhere together.  You need to know you're safe, your children are safe and that you're secure.

[#4]

Hi Cinnamon,

I think you should back off and slow things down. This man, while as loving as he can be, has a side to him that is affecting your self esteem. The more you rely on him and the more of your independence you give up the more claustrophobic he is going to feel.He wants you to need him for everything but then resents you for needing him. It's not healthy. It's also not good for your son to see that this is apparently a normal way for a man to treat his partner.

I wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket here. I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to build a separate buffer of money and keep an option open of where to go to in an emergency.

Don't get a mortgage with him. Not under these circumstances.

Owly x