Hi Chameleon,
I have to say that I doubt that he is having doubts about your relationship. I think what he's doing is when he's sitting quietly contemplating the options he is leaning towards the easiest option and deciding that it's less stressful to separate should he find himself pushed further than he is happy going.
He never seems to mention having doubts until he's pushed into moving in together.
As long as everything ticks along and he's content with that then he won't want anything to upset that. It comes down to how long you would be prepared to go along without moving in together and whether you could continue with things as they are now because I think he will resist you at every turn because of the added stress and fear involved, not because he feels less for you or has doubts about the future.
His doubts may feel very real to him, they may have cropped up in his mind as a way of saving him from living outside of his comfort zone.
I would think that the only way you would be able to get him to move would be if you arranged everything even down to going to collect him and bring him to where you'd be living together. You would have to do everything that would usually have been done by him. Even after all of that, where you have spared him everything he may turn it all down because the prospect of living in a new area and getting used to what is where, registering with a new doctor etc, new routes, buses, people etc might still prove too much for him.
He's living a kind of see-saw life where he'll venture so far along the see-saw but once it starts to move he scurries back down his own end where everything is safe. When he's gone further out and the fear starts to strike he may make an excuse to others for sliding back to his own end. I doubt the excuses or reasons he gives are real although they may seem real to him. I think he'd say just about anything if it meant he could return to his old familiar place.
The 'feeling' he has is his lifebelt. He will keep letting everyone know it's there so he can use it when the need arises.
If he feels threatened out will come this 'feeling', stronger this time because of what may have been suggested that has made him need the lifebelt.
He can't explain the 'feeling' in detail because it comes and goes based on whatever he is faced with. The greater the threat to his comfort the greater the 'feeling' will grow. Then it will become less of a feeling and more of a knowing so that he's saying all kinds of things he doesn't actually mean just to get himself out of the predicament. He may say he's always known things wouldn't work or that he doesn't feel the same as he once did.
It's not his feeling for you that will have changed, it's the realisation that the 'lifebelt' ploy isn't working so he's got to try something drastic. He doesn't want to lose you at all but he doesn't want to be dragged out of his comfort zone. I think he could sacrifice your relationship to remain where he is but it wouldn't be because he stopped loving you. It would be because of the level of fear of where he's being made to go.
Owly x
Hello Chameleoncam,
In this case I'd give him a certain time say 6 months maximum if he thinks he is willing to compromise for the sake of a happy future together. If he is still indecisive, as much as painful it would be, I'd finish the relations if he is not willing to commit 100%. The time scale might make him panic even more, put him under pressure to decide quicker but at the same time it will help him to hurry up a bit with the decision and remind him you are NOT prepared to live in uncertainty forever.
Would you like a baby together if you lived together/got married? If you do, your time is ticking and the sooner you decide to start trying for a baby, the more chances you might have while you are still young, healthy and full of energy.
8 years ago when my husband was my long distant boyfriend, my husband felt ready to commit and marry me AFTER I told him I had a man who proposed me (it was true). As the saing says, men are hunters by nature and in my case having a potential rival on the scene helped to speed thing up between us 
Good luck x
Hi Cham,
I'd say just see him as constantly in need of protecting himself and give him less cause to feel threatened. The safer and more secure he feels the more willing he will be and the easier it will be to be around him.
Imagine him as a bull who is content in its field. You couldn't push it for love nor money but you could lead it and entice it if it felt where it was heading was safe or better than where it had been.
When it starts to feel insecure or threatened you'll notice the snorting, then the stamping and then it will explode in rage so keep it happy while leading it gently by the nose to a better place.
***
You could tell him he doesn't have to move that he's fine to stay where he is but just take a look at these places and relax and imagine yourselves there doing X (X being a positive image or event). This takes all the pressure off him and encourages him to just picture himself somewhere. As long as he feels in control he should be more willing to do more or go a bit further. When he has done something positive or made some positive progress in the direction of moving (physically or mentally) praise him and change the subject totally so all pressure is then off him.
Owly x
