[#1]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice about improving communication in my relationship?  Stress levels are pretty high at home at the moment and communication has drastically gone downhill. 

I’m worried about my partner’s health and stress levels and I’m really trying to support him but he’s completely shutting me out.  Because of our working hours there never seems to be a good time to talk, forced conversations turn into arguments and I feel like he’s stopped listening to me even if I’m trying telling him something important (which he swears I didn't tell him when it actually happens 2 weeks later). 

If I ask him about something he doesn't want to talk about (like his health, going to the see the doctor etc) he completely shuts down and is totally in denial.  I feel like a brick wall is between us and he’s stopped caring about things.  I literally don’t know how to communicate with him because he doesn't want to talk or just thinks things will sort themselves out.

On the other side of things over the last 6 years I’ve taken on everything at home, with the car, money etc. (as well as work full time and study) and I’m starting to feel really resentful.  Because I know he works hard I constantly try to make his life easier and clean up after him etc so he can relax and see his friends on his time off  but then I get over tired and stressed and end up feeling taken for granted and snapping at him.  I then feel a huge weight of guilt because I know he’s not in a good place right now.  So I'm in a constant battle with myself between trying to be supportive and being really hacked off bbecause I feel like I'm expected to do everything.

Communication and resentment has gotten so bad that I’ve stopped talking too.  I’m trying to be supportive but at the same time feel like I have no support.  I’m literally sick with stress, worry and upset.  I just don’t know how to tell him how I feel without adding more stress to the situation.  

 Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 E xx

[#2]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice about improving communication in my relationship?  Stress levels are pretty high at home at the moment and communication has drastically gone downhill. 

I’m worried about my partner’s health and stress levels and I’m really trying to support him but he’s completely shutting me out.  Because of our working hours there never seems to be a good time to talk, forced conversations turn into arguments and I feel like he’s stopped listening to me even if I’m trying telling him something important (which he swears I didn't tell him when it actually happens 2 weeks later). 

If I ask him about something he doesn't want to talk about (like his health, going to the see the doctor etc) he completely shuts down and is totally in denial.  I feel like a brick wall is between us and he’s stopped caring about things.  I literally don’t know how to communicate with him because he doesn't want to talk or just thinks things will sort themselves out.

On the other side of things over the last 6 years I’ve taken on everything at home, with the car, money etc. (as well as work full time and study) and I’m starting to feel really resentful.  Because I know he works hard I constantly try to make his life easier and clean up after him etc so he can relax and see his friends on his time off  but then I get over tired and stressed and end up feeling taken for granted and snapping at him.  I then feel a huge weight of guilt because I know he’s not in a good place right now.  So I'm in a constant battle with myself between trying to be supportive and being really hacked off bbecause I feel like I'm expected to do everything.

Communication and resentment has gotten so bad that I’ve stopped talking too.  I’m trying to be supportive but at the same time feel like I have no support.  I’m literally sick with stress, worry and upset.  I just don’t know how to tell him how I feel without adding more stress to the situation.  

 Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 E xx

[#3]

Hi Ellie,

I think generally men are rubbish at communicating. I have this same conversation with my husband all the time. If I start talking to him about something he doesn't like e.g. losing weight, he gets very defensive and ends the conversation. Even if I just try to talk to him about my day he can seem like he's not bothered or listening. When I bring it up it gets better for a while but will slowly start to get worse again. The only way I seem to get through to him sometimes is in written form.

Maybe write him a letter or an email. I find this works quite well. He will have time to read it more than once and ask him to respond to you when he is ready. Writing stuff down can also help stop any arguments as we think more about what we are writing rather than saying things in the heat of the moment.

I hope this helps you.

xx

[#4]

Thanks Rebecca, it's nice to know I'm not alone! I'll definitely give writing something to him a go. I don't want to seem like I'm laying all the blame on him but think it's important that he knows how I'm feeling and hopefully what steps can be taken to improve our relationship. I just hope he takes it seriously!

Thanks again

E xx

[#5]

Hi Ellie,

How did you get on?

xx