This is sadly an issue which keeps arising in our relationship.
I have an amazing boyfriend of 10 years, we love each other very much and we have been in the past engaged but we broke this off due to some bumps in the road which we have been working out.
however before and after the breaking of engagement, he has had some financial trouble where he defaulted on a storecard and it has only JUST dropped off his credit records and i finally thought we could start looking for a home together to begin starting a family.
He holds a good job which pays him very well whereas i previously had an average job paying very little but we arranged when we move into our rented flat 4 years ago that he would pay the rent and gas/electric and i would handle all other bills - household and personal/lifestyle etc.
this was ok up till 2 years ago - he has his own "boys" room which he sits in and relaxes but i noticed he kept a lot of correspondence in there which when i went to pick up, he would snatch out my hand.
then when we were going through our bumpy period in our relationship, i got a call from him advising me the gas and electric people had been at our door trying to break in due to unpaid bills - he revealed he had cancelled the direct debit and had not been paying for the past few months.
i was furious! i have been busting my ass to ensure every bill i was responsible for was paid and he's holding back on money which he has plenty of and not paying bills.
from that time on, i began finding more and more letters of his purchases and unpaid bills for other things and this made me very scared.
i sat him down - told him i knew about most of them and he came clean - not explaining why he held off on it but he was getting it back on track and that finances were fine.
i put this to the back of my mind and the correspondences were never seen again until this year when i began seeing his room cluttered with envelopes. he gets letters and he doesnt open them, when i joke about opening an unopened letter he gets angry and grabs it off me.
i.....and im very ashamed of doing this - found his phone today opened and i checked a couple of his texts and i was shocked to see over the past few months several "purchases" which were confirmed via sms automatic replies - ive tried to google the number but it appears to be a large company with several different companies - otherwise he's been purchasing things from MissUK found on Facebook :\
i also found a message from paydayloans, several reminders re another mobile contract he took out (despite me currently paying for his other phone on contact) and warnings of unpaid bills and also - and this is the one which really p's me off - a bank alert which updates every couple of days with his balance.
i knew he made a nice sum of money but it appears he's been lying to me as ot how much he really makes as i believed it was in the region of £1,700 when in fact it is £2,200+ - the balance updates advised at the beginning of the month he had this total - then there was money taken out of it but then a few days later he's got more money inside which brings it right back up.
that annoyed me but what REALLY annoys me is that with my wages, i pay EVERYTHING off and im cautious with my money until i know its safe to use it. i am usually broke my mid month but i know im in a safe position but he has the utter cheek to ask me for money or complain he hasnt got anything well before midmonth
at the moment, im going through a very difficult experience where im feeling drawn towards my best friend who's really supporting me at this time whom i know has feelings for me - i would never do anything at all but i know the offers there - im so stressed out at the moment as ive been told my grandpa only has months left, several members of my family have been in and out of hospital in a space of 2 months and i have lost nearly 4 stone in less than a year doing nothing except stress out about things. the last thing i need is worry that i might not have a safe future with the man i love and scared incase we end up out on our ear if we ever purchased a house together or made a large financial commitment.
im so scared and really confused and i dont know what to do - i would love to marry this man and have a family but i dont feel i can trust him financially.
