[#1]

I am a late 20's female who has an amazing boyfriend for 10 years.  We havent had the most perfect of relationships, i will admit and have had many an argument which has resulted in short breakups but we always know we are to be together and i want to be his wife and make a family with him.

However....

I have a dear friend within work whom i have known for a long time.  He is happily married for 7-8 years but im sure he has had his falling outs too but he really loves his wife.   When we first met there was an instant connection - we love the same things, we joke together, we have extremely similar personalities (but again my partner has a similar personality as mines too)

In the beginning we joked and threw innuendos at each other but for fun - we never ment anything by them, we knew the other would take them and laugh and its been our relationship all this time.

But since xmas - nothing at all changed in our own lives, we still love our partners and no major fights popped up to change our reactions but we joked about like normal but after the comments or jokes we used to smile at each other and make a cheeky wink but our reactions are more looking at each other in a naughty way (if you understand)

We are both aware we do find each other attractive, it is something we joked about in the past but its nothing we took seriously but the comments have popped up recently and slightly more detailed about how we like each other.

Because we are good friends, and im a sucker for cuddles and i love cuddling everyone and everything, we always say goodbye with a cuddle - no matter how much in a rush we are - we always beacon the other over for a cuddle and say goodbye but recently things have began becoming a bit more touchy - not sexually but - ie this week, he came over to my desk to check some work i had done and he used to stand beside my chair but i found he stood behind my chair (while i was sitting in it) and he placed his hands on my shoulders and looked over my head at the work and gently squeezed my shoulders and stroked them while looking at the work - he has never been that touchy with me in our time together and then he left and make a cheeky smile at me.  i cant fib, it felt nice.

The issue i have is - this man is a very good friend of mines, i could possibley call him a best friend because we share so much together - i love this man AS A FRIEND - i dont have any actual LOVE for him in a relationship way besides friend but i feel so bad thinking about it but when i look at him, i just want him to move in and kiss me, i want to feel him kiss me. i can actually picture what i think it would be like, i know what he smells like so it helps imagine it.

as for sexual imagining - strangely not that much - he has popped into my head when im making love with my partner - i try to shake him out of my head but hey - i like to fantasise sometimes but the sex part isnt what im really thinking about just how he would be to kiss.

We both know it cant and wouldnt happen because as i said above, we have our perfect partners - we love them dearly and i couldnt actually imagine my life without mines but its just this feeling that i just want to get this out of my system. 

I feel so bad thinking about it, im really hoping someone out there knows what im going through or has had a similar feeling

[#2]

I am a late 20's female who has an amazing boyfriend for 10 years.  We havent had the most perfect of relationships, i will admit and have had many an argument which has resulted in short breakups but we always know we are to be together and i want to be his wife and make a family with him.

However....

I have a dear friend within work whom i have known for a long time.  He is happily married for 7-8 years but im sure he has had his falling outs too but he really loves his wife.   When we first met there was an instant connection - we love the same things, we joke together, we have extremely similar personalities (but again my partner has a similar personality as mines too)

In the beginning we joked and threw innuendos at each other but for fun - we never ment anything by them, we knew the other would take them and laugh and its been our relationship all this time.

But since xmas - nothing at all changed in our own lives, we still love our partners and no major fights popped up to change our reactions but we joked about like normal but after the comments or jokes we used to smile at each other and make a cheeky wink but our reactions are more looking at each other in a naughty way (if you understand)

We are both aware we do find each other attractive, it is something we joked about in the past but its nothing we took seriously but the comments have popped up recently and slightly more detailed about how we like each other.

Because we are good friends, and im a sucker for cuddles and i love cuddling everyone and everything, we always say goodbye with a cuddle - no matter how much in a rush we are - we always beacon the other over for a cuddle and say goodbye but recently things have began becoming a bit more touchy - not sexually but - ie this week, he came over to my desk to check some work i had done and he used to stand beside my chair but i found he stood behind my chair (while i was sitting in it) and he placed his hands on my shoulders and looked over my head at the work and gently squeezed my shoulders and stroked them while looking at the work - he has never been that touchy with me in our time together and then he left and make a cheeky smile at me.  i cant fib, it felt nice.

The issue i have is - this man is a very good friend of mines, i could possibley call him a best friend because we share so much together - i love this man AS A FRIEND - i dont have any actual LOVE for him in a relationship way besides friend but i feel so bad thinking about it but when i look at him, i just want him to move in and kiss me, i want to feel him kiss me. i can actually picture what i think it would be like, i know what he smells like so it helps imagine it.

as for sexual imagining - strangely not that much - he has popped into my head when im making love with my partner - i try to shake him out of my head but hey - i like to fantasise sometimes but the sex part isnt what im really thinking about just how he would be to kiss.

We both know it cant and wouldnt happen because as i said above, we have our perfect partners - we love them dearly and i couldnt actually imagine my life without mines but its just this feeling that i just want to get this out of my system. 

I feel so bad thinking about it, im really hoping someone out there knows what im going through or has had a similar feeling

[#3]

vamp-rage, 

    Whilst I'm only nineteen and don't know precisely what 'you're going through' - I can sympathise a great deal with how you are feeling, for I've been in similar situations myself. To compare your scenario with my own, I was in a long-term relationship and I think, for want of some excitement, I took to imagining kissing and having intimate relations with a friend of mine, whom I knew 'liked' me a bit at the time.

At the time I didn't think too much about my actions, and I stayed with the boyfriend I loved - we shared many things in common and coexisted perfectly together! But, in a long term relationship, as you may know, you miss the 'rush' of excitement that comes with fancying someone new - when you have no idea how to react or how they will react. It is natural, so don't feel too bad about having these thoughts!!! 

Anyway, I acted upon my 'thoughts' and kissed this other boy - my boyfriend found out and it was never the same afterwards. My advice, then (and not very strong advice either) is to do what you feel will benefit you the most. You obviously have a great relationship with the man you are with now - since you've been together for 10 years, that's admirable!! But it seems you have slipped into the 'zone' wherein you need something to stir up that old youthful feeling of flirting etc. That is expected. 

If you think you may like this other man more than your current boyfriend, I think you should reconsider things, think about the repercussions of kissing someone else, IF your boyfriend ever found out. I didn't think mine would, but it ruined our relationship and now I'm left with fond memories of a boy I loved, and a mundane 'friendly' relationship with the other boy, who is now in a relationship himself. 

You seem to be well restrained - I was not. For that, well done! I know how hard it can be to not act on impulse, especially when you find the other man attractive. It does seem like he's trying to make you react in the same way, what with all the touching and rubbing... that's not a natural 'friend' act, most significantly at work, where he is aware that such things will be kept secret. 

So in a nutshell (if you'll accept the advice of a younger girl!) don't act if you're in a happy relationship, because they are hard to find. What you feel is not wrong, but what he is doing is wrong!! He shouldn't be trying to tempt you if he knows you're in a long-term relationship. Think of it in the reverse -- how would you feel if your boyfriend did the same and kissed another woman? 

I hope this helped and that you'll be happy in whatever you choose to do!

A xxxx

[#4]

Thanks Ameliesnow,

Its nice to know that It's not totally unusual to feel this way.   I guess the real issue is things are becoming a bit stale in the 10 year relationship, im trying many things to make it a bit more exciting and trying new things but to be honest, he's not doing that much

The thought that someone is interested in me feels good and i guess it isnt totally bad since xmas when these feelings have began i felt good about myself, im actually showing some leg for the first time ever when i used to walk around in baggie clothes because last year i was size 20+ and nearly 17 stone and now im slowly slipping under size 18 and now 13stone (i know its a lot to lose so quickly but i am on thyroid tablets too which are helping but im making the extra effort to keep this going and keep this good feeling going) but the fact that when i was at my doudiest, this guy made me feel good about myself.

Im not saying my boyfriend doesnt, he tells me im beautiful and sexy nearly every day and i know he means it but i guess its nice feeling it from someone else.

Yesterday things began getting just as intense as the hands on shoulders thing, i was upstairs in my work having lunch and usually im alone but that day someone decided to sit near me - he came up expecting to be alone and was slightly disappointed.  he stayed up and we chatted and flirted like normal and we had a hug and i began to walk towards the stairway to go back to my desk - there was a pathway beside the stairway but there are shelves covering each side of this so its pretty covered away from anyones eyes, he was ahead of me and went into this little pathway and i saw him coax me over.  I froze, i actually felt he was going to do something which i really wanted to but i just couldnt bring myself to do it, instead i laughed and i made a funny face at him sticking out my tongue and went down stairs.

That night when we were closing up, he leaves before me - he began to make his way to the door and as usual like we do every night he beconed me over for a hug.   This time the hug was tighter and i could feel his breath on my neck, he whispered something in my ear but i never heard it - to be honest, i think i was too scared to hear what he said.  We loosened our grip on each other and pulled back from the hug and looked at each other smiling but our faces were getting so close.  I looked away to break the glances but i know he could see that i was begging him to do something. 

He made a little joke about pulling me over towards the shelving section which again like the pathway is pretty covered but again i jumped and made a joke about another time and changed the subject

The work are aware what is going on - its a running joke in our department that we should "get it on" as they put it but they are also well aware that we both have long term partners and very commited to him.

He's so tempting and im doing my best to not do anything stupid but its so hard.  hes my best friend and i cant lose him in that way.

I sent him a message last night as i know he's going through a bit of an issue which im chatting with him about to cheer him up and in the message (as i know he really wants to go out but doesnt have many friends who are free these days) that i am happy to go to the cinema or for a drink or two if he ever needs it - but i put in the message in bold text "AS FRIENDS OBVIOUSLY".  he made a comment which is like his typical joke comments saying " {AS FRIENDS OBVIOUSLY} damn i was hoping to have my way with you" but it doesnt feel like a joke

its so difficult - again im still not "really" interested in the sex side of him - its just his mouth and to kiss him, just to feel how he would hold me and what his skin would feel like on my face....... hmm cant you tell i have thought about it way too much.

[#5]

Hi there,

I am not quite so young and from experience I know that unless you call a halt to all this touchy feely stuff if will go further.

You are already fantasising about 'kissing' this guy.    This is what all the hands on shoulders is leading up to - guarantee it!

My advice would be not to complicate things.   Next time he does it, gently but firmly remove his hands.   Let him know he has overstepped the mark - in a nice way but be sure not to give mixed messages.    If he has absolutely no ulterior motive he wont' take offence of any kind.   If he does get slightly annoyed you will know for sure you have done the right thing anyway. 

Most people in affairs DON'T just jump into them, they start exactly as you are describing.   Affairs ruin lives - simple!  Set your boundaries now before its too late.   BG