[#1]

Hi again all

Well now that the initial buzz has worn off I realise how much of a lonely place it can be when you can't be completely open for fear of persecution (I don't want to give my work colleagues any reason to spread lies about me).

So I was wondering whether you could tell me how best to meet people and make new friends who will accept me for me (not a man eating sexaholic as some people seem to prefer). As I am already part of 2 volunteer organisations my evenings are activity filled so i don't want to be starting any classes but just places a person can go on their own just to chat with others where they wouldn't get looked at oddly or times tha its more acceptable as it seems after 9 o'clock on a saturday night isn't the best

Thanks in advance, Sus

[#2]

Hi again all

Well now that the initial buzz has worn off I realise how much of a lonely place it can be when you can't be completely open for fear of persecution (I don't want to give my work colleagues any reason to spread lies about me).

So I was wondering whether you could tell me how best to meet people and make new friends who will accept me for me (not a man eating sexaholic as some people seem to prefer). As I am already part of 2 volunteer organisations my evenings are activity filled so i don't want to be starting any classes but just places a person can go on their own just to chat with others where they wouldn't get looked at oddly or times tha its more acceptable as it seems after 9 o'clock on a saturday night isn't the best

Thanks in advance, Sus

[#3]

Hey

I was in a similar boat till recently, home from uni with only one person here knowing that i am gay. It depends how confident you are i guess. I'm not that confident but i do tend to be fine starting conversations with others. I go to cafes, parks or bars and am able to chat to others. Having said that, although i met people, no long friendships have been built yet. I've just met someone online though, never thought i'd have to go down that route but was missing being able to chat with others in the same situation.

Not sure where the above was going really

Lauz

[#4]

hi, im in the same position, want to meet someone but dont know where to start, theres no way id go out on my own to try to meet someone! dont fancy speed dating etc! have looked at online sites but not really sure.

x

[#5]

Hey There

I'm sorry that I haven't got any good advice or answers for you as I'm kinda trying to figure it out myself too...

All I can say is I know how it feels to be around people with different views on love & life and sometimes only god knows how lonely that place can be.

Not sure about yourself, but i've never been interested or comfortable enough to try gay bars/events.

However, a few weeks ago there was a talk on at my local libray. It was with Sarah Waters and i knew i had to go. I did go & there was a mixture of different people. I have to say that i felt so comfortable there & the lonlieness hardly existed. It was just nice to be around like minded people.

I chickened out a bit at the end by not staying afterwards, and i do regret that....but at least i managed to go. If i'd gone with a friend i would have loved to have hung back for a while.

It was going to this one event that has made me want to try different things....and now i'm on the lookout for similar things.

I don't know if things like this would appeal to you, but maybe there's something similar in your area.

I think I've always hoped that somehow I will just meet like minded people....and i guess i still do....but i will also try and meet them halfway.

I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for...and if you do.....

will you come back and let me know.

Take Care & good luck

x

[#6]

Thanks Guys It's nice to know Im not completely alone in what it's like even if we only chat on here. Well i've got an app on my iphone called qrushr which is lesbian/bi girl to girl chat and instant messaging but it doesn't seem to have many people on it that actually go on there that often so trying to chat on it is kinda hopeless and the chat rooms seem to ignore new comers

As far as going places is concerned, I'm trying to avoid my military co-workers find out for another couple of weeks cause some of them seem homophobic, so can't go randomly chatting to people unless it's a gay specific place cause I don't need the backlash for the time being.

Hmm...might see what the online sites are like though That seems viable until I can get out of the army hold and that way I might reach a wider audience than the little pokey area I currently live in lol

Sorry if that didn't make much sense... hopefully this last question will If someone's sat in a LGBT establishment on their own do you reckon they'd mind me going up and chatting with them? Would you mind a random stranger coming to chat with you?

[#7]

I wouldn't mind that to be honest, i'm usually the one who tries to have a conversation with others. Although it does just tend to be a passing comment most of the time I think it depends on the place and the atmosphere, people reading comes in handy so that you can try to see if they will welcome it or not.

PlentyOfFish is pretty good for a site as you can state what you are looking for relationship wise. It's the site that i am on and have not only met online 'friends' but have also met someone who i'm currently seeing.

I was really lucky at work (i'm only a cleaner, summer job) the girl i work with guessed and has been really cool with it. She is using me as some sort of fountain of info though which is a laugh as i know as little as she does!

Lauz

[#8]

Cool I'll see how that works next time i'm in london (we don't really have gay anything round here). Uploaded myself on to POF last night too so maybe I'll make some sort of friend/chat buddy on there (I can but try...).

I think a lot of the people I work with know too but I don't wanna make it public cause there's as many that I'd rather not have the hassle from. Although facade ends after next week - yay!! Is the girl you work with gay tooor nust straight and wonders what it's like?

[#9]

Let us know how you get on with PoF, it's not a bad site. Where is it you are? I love going to London, not just to go out but just the buzz of the city, if i could afford it i'd live there.

The girl i work with is straight so is a little curious as to how things work i think, i find it funny. She has tripped up a few times by saying things but luckily i don't take offence easily and just take the mick out of her for it.

Lauz

[#10]

I'm not in to it, at least not at the moment. I think i'm just in a really bad area tbh. I'm gonna go to london next year as a student to study social work- i like it so much, i'm gonna put myself in debt so i can live there! lol

I can imagine that is quite funny I'm looking forward to the day I can be as open about it as you seem to be.

[#11]

Hi,

Im in the same position, i work in a catholic school and so obvs cant say that im gay, not told my family/friends either until i feel ready, think they would accept more if i was in a relationship. Have no chance of meeting anyone at work/home. Have been looking on chat sites but cant afford the fees of the popular ones, have joined a free one but not sure if will meet anyone or not.

It really is hard isnt it!

J x