[#1]

Hi there

Will try and keep this as brief as I can.

I separated from my husband about 6 months ago. It was a mutual decision and it is on good terms. I just felt like we had become like brother/sister and he is a very remote person anyway. He has been very reasonable about the whole thing - I was quite willing to sell up and split the proceeds (although wasn't keen on selling up but thought that would be the only way as I couldn't afford to buy him out) but he said he was happy for me to stay in the house with the kids (both aged under 9) and he would rent a room somewhere which he has done. He is also paying adequate maintenance so it has been very amicable.

However, what I am finding annoying is that he comes in every night after work to visit (unless he has something else going on) and I am therefore finding it mentally hard to actually 'separate'. Although it is amicable, we don't really talk that much and he is just really irritating me! I don't want to be mean to him as he has been so reasonable about everything and is a good person and a very hands on dad but I feel I do need that space to actually 'separate'.  I find I am more irritable when he is around and I think he is picking up on it but he just chooses to ignore it and pretend evrything is hunky dory.

I have tried to say 'don't come in tomorrow cus we're doing so and so' or whatever but I feel mean when I say that. But I do feel like we need to set some boundaries even though things are amicable. I know this might be the opposite to mothers where they hardly see the father but hopefully somebody may have some helpful advise!

Many thanks for reading and all comments welcome.

Best wishes.

[#2]

Hi there

Will try and keep this as brief as I can.

I separated from my husband about 6 months ago. It was a mutual decision and it is on good terms. I just felt like we had become like brother/sister and he is a very remote person anyway. He has been very reasonable about the whole thing - I was quite willing to sell up and split the proceeds (although wasn't keen on selling up but thought that would be the only way as I couldn't afford to buy him out) but he said he was happy for me to stay in the house with the kids (both aged under 9) and he would rent a room somewhere which he has done. He is also paying adequate maintenance so it has been very amicable.

However, what I am finding annoying is that he comes in every night after work to visit (unless he has something else going on) and I am therefore finding it mentally hard to actually 'separate'. Although it is amicable, we don't really talk that much and he is just really irritating me! I don't want to be mean to him as he has been so reasonable about everything and is a good person and a very hands on dad but I feel I do need that space to actually 'separate'.  I find I am more irritable when he is around and I think he is picking up on it but he just chooses to ignore it and pretend evrything is hunky dory.

I have tried to say 'don't come in tomorrow cus we're doing so and so' or whatever but I feel mean when I say that. But I do feel like we need to set some boundaries even though things are amicable. I know this might be the opposite to mothers where they hardly see the father but hopefully somebody may have some helpful advise!

Many thanks for reading and all comments welcome.

Best wishes.

[#3]

I know of other divorced couples where the whole thing was amicable and who meet every day. One is a case where a large dog needs walking - before you ask, no room in the ex husband's new home for the dog to live there. In another case the ex husband's car is parked in the family home as garage space is available.

Most important thing in your case is how the children feel about it. Guessing they are glad to see their father every day. I know it is tough on you. I can only suggest that you stay out of the way when he is around, explaining why to him (not the children) but don't make any big deal out of it. What you want to avoid is using the children as weapons in any way. To be fair I don't think you are doing this. If you and the children genuinly do have to be elsewhere though then your ex should accept that

[#4]

Hi

I know I would find it difficult, but I agree with tabby.

Is he coming to see you or the children, or both?

Is he joining you for tea? (if so, perhaps have it early...)

Does he go once the children are in bed?

I hope things can stay amicable though, as it does make such a difference to life.

[#5]

Hiya

I think you need to sit him down and say you would prefer to organise a different contact arrangement between him and the children.  Say you are perfectly willing for him to have as much contact with them as he would like (if you are), but that you are finding it difficult to establish your life as a single parent while things are as they are at the moment.

Have a clear idea in your head of an alternative arrangement which suits you and see if the two of you can work out an arrangement which suits you both.  I'm sure you'll be able to work it out.  Be kind but firm.

Good luck!