Im hoping I could find some guidance and advice concerning the issues one my closest friend has. Long story , so here goes. I think its imporant that I tell the full story.
I met my friend 5 years ago when we both started working for the same company. We grew close really quickly and spent lots of time together, we see each other every day at work and often went out after work for a few drinks and met up at the weekend. My friend seemed like a really strong independent woman. sometime she was quite cutting and abbrassive with hera ttitude but i just thought she was fiesty. I first realised she had a dark side about 4 years ago , when after I snapped at her about something and then apologising to her that i was just tired and I shouldnt of snapped, she completely turned on me. She called me names, sent me abusive texts and way over reacted to the situation.I begged her to accpet my apology and just forget about it but she wouldnt let it go.This happened a few times. It got worse to the extent of her starting a fght with her boyfriend in my flat on my 30th birthday and me and my friends having to leave the flat and sit in the neighbours flat until she calmed down. She was violent towards every one who tried to restrain her/calm her down. She damaged furniture and caused so much trouble that my neighbour called the police. I think I have forgiven her about 7 or 8 times now after similar incidents kept happening. She would fall out with her boyfriend and be really upset so I would invite her round and after a while she would snap and start being abusive. Both me and my boyfriend have ended up with bruises and scratches. My boyfriend has tried to forgive her but everytime she just does it again, so now he cant stand her and doesn't want her anywhere near or house, which I understand.
She met a guy and moved in with him. There are alot of issues in the relationship. This has culmunated in my friend now having a criminal record and been assigned social worker !!! She is 37 by the way. Despite the relationship being violent and abusve my friend gave up her own flat and moved in with her boyfriend. There is no set agreement about who pays rent and pays bills. She constantly makes decisions that can only end up causing her life to spirl outo f control. They contstantly argue and he will call the police and she ends up getting arrested or he chucks her out and she ends up having to spend all her money on hotels so she has no money to pay the rent. He has told me some of the things she has done to him. I dont know how much I believe but I can be objective and completely 100% on her side because she has been so terrible nasty and abusive to me and my boyfriend in the past. I do believe her boyfriend is a bad influence on her but she cant seem to give him up. Every week we have the same conversation and im getting reay frustrated with her. I want to help her move out but she wont take the first steps. She has no money and no where to go ( she has pissed alot of people off , including her family and the few friends she did have) I have said she needs to tell her social worker and that there are charities and places that will help her get out of her bf's flat. She says she cant cope with being alone . Ive repeatedly said to her that only she can make the change and she needs to be strong otherwise she will be stuck in the same life for next 30 years.. last night she called me in tears to the point couldnt understand her..she had had a few drinks, but what am I suppose to do!!! I want to help her. I have mentioned to her that there are options and maybe she can get a crisis loan or somesort of financial assistance because she is homeless. Every conversation we have about it is exhuasting. She lost her parents when she was a teenger and has never really dealt with it. I dont feel qulaified to cope with her and I beg her to be honest with her social worker but she says she doesnt feel comfortable talking about everything,. It has affected her work at times - if she falls out wit her bf she will go out drinking and then not come into work for a few days. Our boss knows a very very small amount about whats going on - she knows my friends bf has been abusive and she offered for my friend to stay with her for a while, as did another woman at work. Ive told my friend that she has to let people help her, and that maybe she should take up these offers of temp accomdation as these people do care, and although it might not exactly be fun living with her boss.. its got to the point she cant be choosy...It would only take her a month to save enough money to get her own place. even if she doesnt want to do that then she should at least see what her options are. Short of dragging her to speak to a professional Im not sure what else I can do. Im tired of having the same conversations with her. im tiredo f hearing her tell me how society is messed up . I know she is depressed. Ive tried to say to her that me and her will do more fun stuff, like yoga, go to the theatre and walk s etc..and if she does leave her bf she will be lonely , but I will be there for her and that evryone feels lonely at some point, but once she gets through the breaks up he will feel like a new better person. She is just wasting her life in a series of fights, abuse, drinking etc. She coughs all the time , and Ive told her to go to the doctors but she is scared. She smokes a lot and I think she thinks she is going to end up dying young so she might as well smoke. It may sound like I dont care , I really do , If I didnt I wouldnt be so worried and at mywits end. I wold have just walked away after the numerous times she turned on me. But I know she is mental issues and needs to deal with her parents death but IM so overwhelmed by it all as Im the only friend she really has..advice please. Thanks for reading
