Parents Of Teens

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sara73041
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Message 1 of 6 (976 Views)
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Hello! Need advise re 12 year old!

5 Posts
01-07-2012 22:27

Hi Everyone, 

I have a 12 year old DS (well hes 12 in 3 weeks!). We seem to be entering the beginnings of change, over the last couple of weeks ive noticed - hes sleeping more, hes growing lots (hes gone up 2 shoe sizes really quickly!) and the most frustrating is his changing attitude. Hes not shouting or being nasty or anything like that, but he is I feel, ignoring requests :smileysad: ie... coming off of PS3, taking dinner plates to kitchen, leaving rubbish laying about, not getting changed for bed - sleeping in clothes, and not doing homework till very late night before - when ive asked him all week if he has any to do. 

How has everyone got on with getting through this stage ? 

Tips appretiated!

Sara 

 

p.s. meant to also ask what time bed time is for 12 year olds?

Co-CL - Mums Due Dec2012, Mums Club Sept2012, mumsdue June13 and mums due July 13  BabyFetus Ticker
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sara73041
Community Leader
Message 1 of 6 (977 Views)
0

Hello! Need advise re 12 year old!

5 Posts
01-07-2012 22:27

Hi Everyone, 

I have a 12 year old DS (well hes 12 in 3 weeks!). We seem to be entering the beginnings of change, over the last couple of weeks ive noticed - hes sleeping more, hes growing lots (hes gone up 2 shoe sizes really quickly!) and the most frustrating is his changing attitude. Hes not shouting or being nasty or anything like that, but he is I feel, ignoring requests :smileysad: ie... coming off of PS3, taking dinner plates to kitchen, leaving rubbish laying about, not getting changed for bed - sleeping in clothes, and not doing homework till very late night before - when ive asked him all week if he has any to do. 

How has everyone got on with getting through this stage ? 

Tips appretiated!

Sara 

 

p.s. meant to also ask what time bed time is for 12 year olds?

Co-CL - Mums Due Dec2012, Mums Club Sept2012, mumsdue June13 and mums due July 13  BabyFetus Ticker
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Co-CL - Mums Due Dec2012, Mums Club Sept2012, mumsdue June13 and mums due July 13  BabyFetus Ticker
Karla H
iVillage Member
Message 2 of 6 (499 Views)
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omg mine is the same! It totally drives me crazy, rotten lazy attitude syndrome! Arrgggghhh! He goes to bed at 9pm and lights out at 10pm latest, I'm praying this phase will go as quick as it came! xx

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oh2bhappy
Community Leader
Message 3 of 6 (494 Views)
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Sadly I have the same here...

I do say their name before asking them to do something, as it does seem to get their attention before ignoring.

And repeatedly reminding.

As for the homework, if it doesn't get done then they do have the consequences at school.

I do hope things soon improve...

JANE

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JANE

Patsy1964
iVillage Member
Message 4 of 6 (470 Views)
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Hi Sara,

Only just picked up this thread as my computer has been away for repair.

Teenagers do sleep a lot; after all there is a lot of growing going on; between the ages of 11-14, they go through what is known as the "adolecent growth spurt", which is controlled when the horomoned Testosterone is released in puberty and Progesteon in girls. 

Girls tend to hit the growth spurt first, when height, weight and the size of the pelvic girdle increases. In the latter cases this is due to a girls body preparing for the onset of mentuation and the ability to conceive. The provebial "puppy fat" is a layer created by the body so that the energy used to grow and maintain sufficient energy for the menstrual cycle to be effective and regular.  If she were to become pregnant an energy store ( fat and carbohydrate) to feed the baby.  Also for the body menstrual cycles take a lot of energy, and blood needs to be replaced by the spleen after the period.

A girl can leap in size (in both directions) up to three dress sizes in a year; in the same way as boys can jump from a 36" chest (sorry I am not a metric person) up to 40" and beyond in the space of two years, Also their shoulders grow wider than the chest and the muscles develop, in proportion with their height- hence growing pains as the body gets taller very quickly. In both cases this is all triggered by the hormones mentioned above and to a certain degree genetics since when grown up,  both sexes tend to be withing 3" of their respective parents' sex.  Some growth spurts can be traced back a generation so the height increase and weight gains can be in the same ratio of the grandparents.

Going back to your original question: "how much sleep to they need?"; that is a wide open question and is very individual. Like adults, some need less sleep than others, but there does need to be a routine.

The accepted levels are:

Age six : 12 hours

Age ten:  10 Hours

Age Fourteen:  between 8 -9 hours.

However the above figures are not absoloute and depend strongly on the metabolism and fitness of the child, those who are fit tend to sleep less but deeper; those who are above the normal rates (and that does not mean they are obese or fat- and remember muscle weighs more than fat), it may be their metabolism is slower. As for a twelve year old, that can be between the two figures stated above in that age bracket. There is no absolute rule.

When a girl first starts her menstrual cycle it will be tiring, particularly with the loss of blood, as that wil reduce the amount of oxygenated blood in the citculation.  Whilst most teenage girls' periods are quite light, and lose only a little blood, it does reduce the amount of oxygen in the blood stream as well as iron, the latter important for strength and the ability for blood to take up oxygen from the lungs.

If a child has physically worked hard, such as sport or digging, playing hard, e.g. climbing a tree, they will burn more energy and therefore need more calories to maintain weight; and to replace that energy spent and to allow the muscles to rebuild, will sleep longer and deeper.  Also remember that sports makes the heart work harder, and is a muscle in its own right  that is the reason why exercise is so important for both girls and boys.

When a girl becomes a woman and starts reproducing, the strong heart is important, since labour puts a lot of pressure on the heart, and therefore the stonger it is the better it will be able to put up with the strain if the heart has been "exercised" a lot when she was younger.

To a certain extent the same is true of boys when they reach an age when the first experience intercourse as the thrusting and energy required to ejaculate is quite significant in terms of energy spent.

Teenagers do need a regular sleep pattern, i.e. going to bed at a fixed time, and waking in the morning. However there is no reason why they can't have a "lie in" on Saturday or Sunday, so that the muscles etc can be ready for Monday morning. It is often a good idea for children to go to bed half an hour earlier on Sunday night to make up for the sleep, they may have lost during the weekend.  It also helps balance out the energy spent on the sport or other energetic things like dancing etc.

 

 

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Patsy1964
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Message 5 of 6 (468 Views)
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Sorry, I meant to answer the first part of your question.  

Both boys and girls (the latter more so) go through rapid mood swings due to the hormone levels flying around the blood stream. In girls these mood-swings tend to be around their menstrual bleed.

Remember also there is a lot of social pressure between teens these days; far more than 50 years ago, exacerbated by the media, computer games etc; and if they are not allowed to have the things that other children have in their peer group are likely to throw a tantrum: that does not mean that you have to give in to them though !  When they throw a tantrum, keep a reasonable distance in case they strike out, but talk to them calmly as shouting at eachother will only cause further problems. 

Also striking a child is not a good idea as they are likely to hit back and a combination of anger and in the case of boys because their muscle build up has increased dramtically as a result of the Testosterone release, will be considerably stronger than when they are calm, Testosterone is also increased when boys get angry and more likely to get physical; girls tend to shout at you, but more likely to use a weapon, whereas a boy will use a fist.

Adolecents do need support during this change, rather like the temper tantrums of a 2- 3 year old; the main difference of course that teeagers are bigger !

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happymh
iVillage Member
Message 6 of 6 (316 Views)
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I have one the same age and another nearly 16.

My nearly 12 has grown 4cm in a month and is in size 9 shoes now.  I just ignored most of my older sons irritating behaviour and let him get on with it. As long as he was doing ok at school and had good friends, I always know where he is and who he is with. After about 18 months of grunting there was a Kevin and Perry moment and now he is a really great young man.

My advice is dont take it personally and pick your battles carefully.  Hopefully it will work with my younger one.

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