[#1]

Though mum's op went well, her dementia seems to have becoming really worse in days. The hospital told us today that they were asking the doctors to refer her to the mental health team. Don't know when they will assess her but she is almost out of control and none of us are coping with her as we just don't knowhow to do things for the best and what we should say when she is being difficult. We know she can't help it but we are between a rock and a hrad place.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#2]

Though mum's op went well, her dementia seems to have becoming really worse in days. The hospital told us today that they were asking the doctors to refer her to the mental health team. Don't know when they will assess her but she is almost out of control and none of us are coping with her as we just don't knowhow to do things for the best and what we should say when she is being difficult. We know she can't help it but we are between a rock and a hrad place.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#3]

sorry things are so rough for you all. Maybe now though your dad will get the support he needs as I know you have been worried about that. Doesn't make the situation any easier.

[#4]

I'll say to you what I said to MIL when she wanted to do everything for her husband - this is an illness, not a behavioural problem, there are people trained to help her and to help you. It's not about how much you care for her it's about the medical help and the respite you, your dad and she needs. The professionals are there to help all of you, use their expertise, it's not for you to take everything on. None of this is a reflection on you so be kind of yourself. 

Hugs. 

[#5]

Hi Jill,

My mum who also has dementia, has gone downhill as a result of being hurt by occupational therapists last week. I'm hoping it's temporary but her whole sleep pattern has changed through stress and that leads to other problems such as appearing more confused. It's so worrying and I really do feel for you.

Your mum has been through a traumatic experience and it will have knocked her for six. I hope the more she gets used to things that she will settle down and when she goes home that she is able to calm down and be herself.

It's the not knowing that is so hard, not knowing if you have to adjust to a new range of problems or whether she will recover from the current level of confusion she's experiencing.

Hugs

Owly x

[#6]

Thanks ladies. I keep reminding myself, and dad, that it is not personal and that is not mum being difficult, it's the illness. I just wish I knew what to say to her or how to handle her so I don't aggrivate things.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#7]

I sincerely hope the MH in your area is better than in mine. When I was refferred it took the usual 6-8 weeks to be assigned a Psychiatrist. I expected therepy but evidently all he could do was presribe medication and reffer to a few group sessions, none of which were deemed suitable for me as they were centred around agressive tendencies. For proper therapy they only handled serious MH like bi-polar, schizophrenia, etc and for that there was a 1-2 year waiting list.

TC

[#8]

So do I TC. When we arrived at the hospital today, we had just got there and a porter arrived to say he was taking mum down for a scan. I said to my dad it would be an ideal time to talk with the nurse. She was lovely, took us into a private room and we told her what we were experiencing at homeand she did explain options to us.. Apparently a home from hosptial team assessed her this morning prior to release and we said it wasn't going to work. MUm told them she didn't need help. Then she said they could send in people to help. We tried that last time and she refused them entry. Not sure what the outcome of the chat will be but she did go and find out what type of scan mum was having and apparently it was a CAT scan of the head as it would show more clearly if it is Dementia than an a verbal assessment could. So now we wait.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#9]

Hi Jill,

I'd totally forgotten that mum had one of those scans as well as everything else. In our case I couldn't help but feel that it all seemed like delaying tactics and even when she was diagnosed no medication was offered we were just left to get on with it.

Mind you I was already looking after her by this time as she'd fallen downstairs and needed more help at that stage.

Owly x

[#10]

Hi again,

There isn't a lot you can do to change someone with dementia when they are in a beligerent mood other than going away and returning, pretending you are someone else all smiling, considerate and agreeable.

I think I tend to pacify my mum by either a hug which can be hard to do when she's bristling or just agree with her. If she's having a go at you just apologise even if what you've been accused of is all fantasy.

Dealing with mum at these times has helped me to shrug off what anyone else may say to me or about me. Taking something personally is a choice and if you come to see that the person being abusive cannot help themselves it works right across the board no matter who the person may be who is attempting to slag you off.  

Just because something is said doesn't make it true.

Owly x

[#11]

http://www.ehow.com/about_5335650_causes-aggression-dementia-patients.html

I forgot to mention something that is in the article and that is distraction techniques. Anything like giving her something she likes, sometimes a small snack or asking if she had a visit from someone from the past who she may remember as a valued friend.

My mum likes sparkly things so I hand her one of those. I'll put a dvd on of relaxing windows of nature and leave the room and let the dvd work its magic.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Natures-Windows-Tony-Helsloot/dp/9089702539/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=135...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tranquil-Waters-Relax-And-Unwind/dp/B000M9BT72/ref=pd_sim_d_h__3

Owly x