[#1]

Hi,

I had posted on here several months ago about a male friend who I was getting close to and said he wanted us to start dating. I always told him I did not feel a relationship was right as it just wouldn't work, but we fell into a FWB thing (he still would ask me out quite often, and we were more affectionate that just a standard FWB arrangement but I never went out with him). Anyway, this carried on for a few months and I tried a few times to end it as I didn't think it was fair on him if he wanted more, and I didn't want to develop feelings for him either.

I (tried) to end it a couple of months ago but we agreed to stay friends as we had been anyway. I saw him a few days later at his and had a pleasant night, no awkwardness at all it was fine, but the time flew by and it got very late and I got very tired so couldn't get back to mine, friend suggested I stay the night and although I knew it wasn't a good idea, I did. I would have slept on the sofa but another friend was round at the same time who was staying over too so I had to share bed with my friend. Well you can guess what happened.

I am not proud of it and know that it was a massive mistake. The other thing is that during the evening he had mentioned in front of me (but not to me) that he had started internet dating, and even checked his profile (or whatever it's called!) whilst I was there sitting next to him. I didn't say anything, didn't take any notice, wasn't too sure how I was supposed to react to that.

Next day he was all affectionate and texting me nice things etc and we unofficially carried on the fwb for a few more weeks. I did once bring up the online dating thing and he just said that he didn't want me to think about that and he wasn't meeting anyone from it anyway.

Anyway, I decided once and for all to end things completely and so told him that I had made an arrangement with someone else. I have not really heard from him since and have not seen him for about a month now. The only trouble is....I think I may have feelings for him now. This is the last thing I wanted, but I do miss him and don't like the idea of him spending time with other women but yet I still know that I don't want a relationship as I know it just would not work.

My question is, we have planned to meet up next week as not seen eachother for a while, do I tell him how I feel now?

I have thought about it and wonder if there is even any point? He might have met someone by now, I know that he was going speed dating recently too. Or, even if he does still want to go out, I know that we are too different so would never work. But I just feel like I need to get it off my chest, he always gave the impression that he thought I was a little cold/unaffectionate but it was just because I did not want to get feelings for him but it has happened anyway!

Any views or advice appreciated.

GF X

[#2]

Hi,

I had posted on here several months ago about a male friend who I was getting close to and said he wanted us to start dating. I always told him I did not feel a relationship was right as it just wouldn't work, but we fell into a FWB thing (he still would ask me out quite often, and we were more affectionate that just a standard FWB arrangement but I never went out with him). Anyway, this carried on for a few months and I tried a few times to end it as I didn't think it was fair on him if he wanted more, and I didn't want to develop feelings for him either.

I (tried) to end it a couple of months ago but we agreed to stay friends as we had been anyway. I saw him a few days later at his and had a pleasant night, no awkwardness at all it was fine, but the time flew by and it got very late and I got very tired so couldn't get back to mine, friend suggested I stay the night and although I knew it wasn't a good idea, I did. I would have slept on the sofa but another friend was round at the same time who was staying over too so I had to share bed with my friend. Well you can guess what happened.

I am not proud of it and know that it was a massive mistake. The other thing is that during the evening he had mentioned in front of me (but not to me) that he had started internet dating, and even checked his profile (or whatever it's called!) whilst I was there sitting next to him. I didn't say anything, didn't take any notice, wasn't too sure how I was supposed to react to that.

Next day he was all affectionate and texting me nice things etc and we unofficially carried on the fwb for a few more weeks. I did once bring up the online dating thing and he just said that he didn't want me to think about that and he wasn't meeting anyone from it anyway.

Anyway, I decided once and for all to end things completely and so told him that I had made an arrangement with someone else. I have not really heard from him since and have not seen him for about a month now. The only trouble is....I think I may have feelings for him now. This is the last thing I wanted, but I do miss him and don't like the idea of him spending time with other women but yet I still know that I don't want a relationship as I know it just would not work.

My question is, we have planned to meet up next week as not seen eachother for a while, do I tell him how I feel now?

I have thought about it and wonder if there is even any point? He might have met someone by now, I know that he was going speed dating recently too. Or, even if he does still want to go out, I know that we are too different so would never work. But I just feel like I need to get it off my chest, he always gave the impression that he thought I was a little cold/unaffectionate but it was just because I did not want to get feelings for him but it has happened anyway!

Any views or advice appreciated.

GF X

[#3]

Hi GF,

Yes tell him. It will only torture you if you don't. I think you can afford to tell him everything, the way you feel, the way you were trying not to develop feelings and how they've happened anyway. One way or another you'll get to know the results of telling him whereas if you didn't whatever he did afterwards you'd be always wondering how different things might have been if you had told him.

I read and truly believe that we regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did.

Owly x

[#4]

didnt you post on another board that you felt he used you?

[#5]

Hi Spicyone,

Yes I posted about this a few weeks ago on another board when I was deciding whether to end it or not. I did feel that he wasn't really there for me as a friend when I had been there for him. It is reasons such as this that I did not want to feel too close to him and felt it was quite rude for him to talk about other girls on the website infront of me. So it is just sods law that after I tried to keep from getting attached it happened anyway, just at the wrong time. Truth is, I'm almost dreading seeing him next week as it might be really awkward, we are so used to cuddling up together it will be strange not be able to do that, and if he mentions any other girls, I won't show it, but will not be feeling great about it!

GF X

[#6]

Right, I have decided that it may be best for me to tell him. It may be a huge mistake which results in me getting hurt but hey at least I would have been honest! Anyone have any ideas as to how to bring it up? I would prefer not to do it in person as am not very good at expressing feelings etc like that.

GF X

[#7]

write him a letter and send it in the post.

[#8]

Hi,

We live fairly close to eachother so sending a letter would seem a bit redundant so was thinking about texting instead but am not sure of what to say really. I know he is dating others and he knows I have an arrangement with somone else (although nothing has actually happened yet, and am not that enthusiastic about it either) so he thinks I have no interest in him at all at the moment so whatever I say will come as a surprise.

GF X

[#9]

Hi GF,

How would you feel about writing the letter and handing it to him after inviting him round by text ?

You will need to discuss this at some point and if you send something important in a text you'll be on pins waiting for his reaction, wondering this or wondering that. It's what most of us would do.

That's why I think if you wrote it down, invited him round, handed it over, maybe stayed while he read it or shot into the kitchen and shouted 'is it safe to come back', might be a way of getting it all said and dealt with there and then.

It doesn't matter what he thinks you think at the moment. It's all immaterial because most of the time we're all pretty flexible and change depending on circumstances and events.

Try not to dwell on all the peripherals. Just write the letter, invite him round and see what comes of it. You may as well do it as not.

Owly x

[#10]

Hi Owly,

I hope you are right! I havent decided what to say yet as I don't want to make a big deal of it, I am not expecting anything from it but just think that honesty is the best policy really. I will let you know how it goes...

GF X