Hi Sorceress,
I was once in a similar situation after having bailed someone out several times while we were together and then we split up with him owing me quite a bit of money. I too had to keep on and keep on at him to get my monthly payment. It really does drain you.
What I did was to phone him at work and the first person I spoke to I ended up telling why I needed to speak to him. I then got a reaction as although he was good humoured about it he wasn't pleased that I'd mentioned him owing me money at his work place.
It made a difference for a time but I never did get all of it back. In the end I had to write a portion of it off but I had got most of my money back.
Could you get a standing order form from the bank and complete as much of it as you can, get it to him somehow to sign it and then take it or ask him to send it to the bank ?
If he has online banking he could even arrange this online without anyone having to go to the bank.
Another possibility is to pay for a solicitor's letter asking for this money within a certain time limit or to have the standing order set up within a time limit. He may respond if he thinks you mean business.
Another option could be to threaten or casually mention the possibility of declaring him bankrupt due to the owing of this money and the reluctance in it being paid.
I'm not fully aware of all the ins and outs of doing this but I believe it is a possibility so maybe you could google for this and see if you can find something to add a bit of power to your endeavours.
Owly x
The court will regard someone as being unable to pay their debts if either of the following occurs:
A creditor who is owed more than £750 serves a 'statutory demand' for the money due and it is not paid or secured (for example, by a guarantee to provide something else of the same value); or a settlement is not agreed, within 21 days, and the debtor has not applied for the statutory demand to be set aside.
You can get the forms to issue a claim for judgment from your local county court. Court fees depend on the amount of the claim, and range from £35 to £1,670 - the court can tell you the precise court fee payable for a particular claim.
You can get the forms for a statutory demand from your local county court or a legal stationer:
Hi,
Is there anything written or spoken anywhere, letter or text message or something on an answering machine where he has acknowledged owing you this money ?
If you have anything in writing then that might be enough.
I don't want to pry and you definitely don't need to say but it might help if I knew why you weren't named but were part of the intended recipient of the money ?
I didn't mean to imply that you went all the way to taking him to court etc but just putting a bit of a rocket up him to get him moving to do what you need him to do. Kind of scaring him about the possibility but I wouldn't want you to do anything that would jeopardise your overall receipt of the money or for him to turn nasty and stop giving you anything.
What you could really do with is someone who would chase this up regularly for you and keep on his back about it without you putting yourself through it. I'm not sure I can think of anyone or any organisation who would do that.
One thought I had was that he may not be reluctant to pay it each month by standing order or any other means, not because he's controlling (although that comes into it anyway) but that he's reluctant to let you go completely. To pay you off means to set you free and maybe a part of him isn't ready to do that yet.
Owly x
Found this...
Edited because I think this next link holds information that seems the best way to go....
Mediation in debt disputes
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/Ma
These were the others that I found....
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/moneytaxandbenefits/ma
The forms are on one of the headings.
The following makes for interesting reading but it is from 2003.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2003/jun/15/consum
Owly x
Hi,
Yeah I see what you mean about it being complex and yet having no bearing on the outcome. I can see why things were done the way they were too. It doesn't really help me to come up with anything unfortunately.
I think anything on a text that indicates he owes you money that he's attempting to repay shows something because if it wasn't about this large amount what would that mean, that he also owes you for something else, possibly smaller that he's intending to pay. It wouldn't look good that there was the likelyhood of two debts he owes to you, the one you are claiming for the this 'other one'.
If he claims he's texting you about another debt then what's he doing about the larger one ?
I'm sure a good solicitor would be able to pick holes in any claims and excuses he came up with.
You know him better than anyone so would you say he had control freak tendencies or bears a grudge forever ?
He could just be a bit twisted as a result of feeling so 'wronged'. It might explain why he's just reluctant to give you what you are entitled to.
Be careful of him asking you for any paperwork relating to the case you both won. It could be that he needs to remove evidence from you so he can claim nothing is owed to you. I'd tell him that you've lost these papers and only found that out when you went to get them.
I smell a rat there. I could easily be wrong but it seems odd to me.
It is very strange that he text you his new address. He must like the idea that you can contact him. Maybe he wants you to be impressed and see what you've lost and missing out on.
The Citizen's advice was pretty run of the mill. It's like taking their most known responses to similar situations and relaying them to you.
I'd contact that mediation debt link that I posted as that seemed the best solution. Someone else getting involved for you and chasing it up or acting as mediator to set something up to smooth this payment along.
Maybe he's even hoping that you'll give up as it's all too much hassle and he'll feel chuffed that he's won something from you. A kind of payment for being 'wronged' if you like.
Owly x
Hi,
The man clearly has issues of some sort. He jumps to worst case scenario conclusions in seconds. Can hardly seem to wait or believe outcomes will be positive. He's also very defensive as a result of whatever issues or fears are lurking inside himself.
I think what can sometimes happen is that people with insecurities or past hurts that have made them vulnerable, they cover their pain with aggression, not necessarily physical aggression. They tend to place a false image of their own making over the facts and then don't see the facts as they really are. Instead they see some kind of hazy image where the two are merged, the fact and the fiction and they cannot be disuaded that what they are doing is wrong because they are doing it as a form of defence, of feeling they are protecting themselves from being as hurt as they had once been or prepared for betrayal in order to avoid it or at worse do the same back before it's done to them.
He has to realise that he isn't going to get reassurances immediately every single time. He opens himself up to being hurt, takes a risk by laying his feelings out or making a request and when he thinks it's going to be bad news he shuts himself up like a clam and inflicts pain before it can be inflicted on him.
To be honest I think unless he sees what he's doing he's unlikely to change and what he needs would be asking a lot of any woman. She would have to put herself out to make him feel better and he could end up taking it all and not doing any repair work on himself to save her from having to keep doing it.
He needs to recognise his own weaknesses and work on those.
He won't be able to 'get past' anything that a. has the potential to hurt him and b. enables him to use it as a weapon against the other person. He protects himself at the same time as he's increasing his control.
Perhaps after all this is all about control and when you have it he doesn't like it and when he gives you control he expects to be rewarded for it. Such as when he gave in and set up the standing order.
Owly x
