[#1]

DS3 18 months  has turned into a biter. Poor DS2 is often the victim. Any suggestions on how I can stop him?

[#2]

DS3 18 months  has turned into a biter. Poor DS2 is often the victim. Any suggestions on how I can stop him?

[#3]

Hi Sunshine,

my grandson went through this stage  at the same age and his mum put tabasco on his tongue. Only did it twice and he stopped. I must say it was only a drop and she gave him apple juice afterwards which takes the sting away. Not sure this is a route you want to follow but DS was doing serious damage to the baby and other methods had failed.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#4]

This sounds the (early) commencement of sibling rivalry: it is not going to go away !

You state " DS 2 & DS3" do I assume that there is another sibling; i.e. it is a three child family?

What are the age differences between DS2 & 3; more to the point what is the age of the eldest child?

At 18 months he is still an infant, in every sense and will use his teeth, feet or hand to attack if he feels threatend or left out. Do these biting episodes occur at certain times of the day, say when he is tired?

Has DS2 being teasing him whilst you are not there and is this a revenge on the part of DS3.  Remember there may still be an amount of ill-feeling by DS2 that he has been left out; and the fact that DS3 is biting him is a result of this teasing?

How badly is DS2 being bitten and what is the frequency of these attacks? If DS3 is causing his brother harm in the sense of blood being drawn, then this is serious and needs to be stamped on.  DS2 needs to be told to inform you when he is being attacked,( although you will probably know from the scream !); As soon as this occurs, take the DS3 out of the room, and take him to his bedroom; close the stairgate and tell DS2 that you are going to tell his brother how much he is brother (DS2) has hurt DS3,  to make him realise that you understand that you do not see him as the agressor . That needs to be said in a calm, soothing voice, and attend to any wound immediately. Give him a kiss as a resassurance that you are not angry with him.

As far as the agreesor is concerened, he needs to be told that he has hurt his brother and that  needs to be stated with a stern voice and look at him straight in the eyes whilst holding a tight grip of (both) his wrists so that he cannot run or turn away, whilst he is being told off. You do not need to shout, but be assertive; shouting and getting agressive is not going to be a good example.

One trick a neighbour of mine used with her two year old daughter who also bit her sister was to put them in to seperate rooms (so the older child felt safe), and then took the other child who had bitten,  in to the kitchen.   Then she cut either a slice of bread off  a loaf, or found deep biscuit, buttered it quite thickly and then took a bite out of it so that the child could see the teeth marks in the butter.  The she explained that was what a bite looked like- and say "ouch". Also show the offending child the injury they caused the other sibling.

Also gripping the childs fingers hard (but not enough obviously to injure) and telling them that is how DS2 feels when he is bitten, will make the child who bites more aware of what he is doing.

I am not a great believer in smacking, but a slap across the wrist will give the offending child an idea of the pain he is inflicting on the other child.

There is a book about child behaviour that I found some years ago about child behaviour and reasons why certain reactions take place; particularly sibling rivalry.

The book is called: " Child Behaviour" by Dorothy Einon  ISBN:0-670 85968-0  and published through Viking ( a sister company to Penguin books for children)

There is also a book called "Child Watching" by Dr. Peter Walker, which contains very good detail about child behaviour and how to deal with small childrens' tantrums and has a specific chapter about biting and other agresssion in infants.  It also deals with older children going through puberty and bullying etc. Regrettably I do not know its ISBN number of the book, but I am sure if you go to your local library they can look it up and order a copy for you. It should be available through a good book shop, although my version was purchased through "World Books". They are good, but the problem is that you have to buy a set number of books over a period before you can cancel the subscription.

I hope this helps and this problem can be resolved quickly.

Huggs

Patsy ((()))

xx

[#5]

Hi Patsy,

There is a year and 6 days between DS2 and DS3 so DS2 is 2.5 and DS3 is 18 months. They absolutely adore each other. (even with the biting!) I've 5 children all together. My older 2 are 17 and 21 so not quite children.

DS3 tends to bite if he isn't getting his own way, usually the toy he wants. He also bites DD2 who is 5 and attempted to bite me last week when I was holding his hands. I think it's a frustration/anger thing. He is biting on average 1 to 3 times in a day.

DD2 went through a biting stage when she was about 2 but it wasn't such a problem then as we didn't have the younger ones. 

The boys are very close and are often hugging and kissing each other (very cute) 

I tried googling the Child Behaviour book as it sounds like something I would read, nothing came up though I read a good book when the older 2 were teens which was useful.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

[#6]

Hi Sunshine,

If you are having problems with finding the book, go in to a large book-shop, such as Waterstones, and ask them to look up  ISBN  0-670-85968-0

Bar Code 9 780670 859689  9101     Published 1997,

Alternatively speak to the library who may be able to get a copy from the County Library.

Hope this helps, and glad that the biting is not vicious/malicious.

Best of luck

Patsy

xx

[#7]

Thanks Patsy.

[#8]

There is a lovely set of books you can get Sunshine, One is " Teeth are not for Biting". They follow an nice pattern of words says teeth are for eating, etc but not for biting. I loved the "Words are not for hurting" one too.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#9]

I've got some of those books Jill and yes they're good.  Hands are not for Hitting was a particular one that I needed!

I did have a problem with DS biting which came to a head when he was about 2 and a half.  He did it mostly out of frustration but it was really hard to deal with and although I got him to stop it was partly through use of a 'time out' or 'naughty step' type zone which did go against my principals and which I wouldn't necessarily use if I had my time over again, at least not in such a severe way.

If it is a case of sibling rivalry I can really recommend a book called 'Siblings Without Rivalry' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, published by Picadilly Press:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/1853406309

Off the top of my head I can't remember if it deals specifically with biting but it looks at different reasons for sibiling rivalry and how to deal with them in a calm and fair way and is also a very easy book to read.

I hope that this phase passes quickly for all of you.

xx

[#10]

S is a biter. Bites out of frustration. Generally bites his sister but has bit me too.

It comes and goes so we can go through a few weeks without it.

May go for those books too as it should re-enforce what I say about gentle hands and teeth. Today he tried to bite me twice when I said no to something. I calmly but firmly said no bite mummy, it hurts and try to redirect- generally re-direction won't help and he'll follow up with a bite. So today I walked away on the second bite attempt and he picked up a toy and bit into the rubber part of the toy. It made me think about buying him a teether that I just give him to bite instead of biting me or sister. Do you think that would work?

Sibling assertion is going on in our house, bordering on rivalry but more about them both asserting their wants/needs and also they both want their own space/separateness, but equally want to play together so this just results in arguments pretty much all day actually! ;(