Hi Vicky and welcome to the board,
Let me just say that depression isn't a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign that we have been strong for too long. Everyone will have their limits and it's not going to be down to just one thing such as a person's job. What I mean by that is that you could feel that it was the job that overwhelmed you and then look around and see others doing the same job and think that they are coping so there must be something wrong with you.... what we don't take into account are the things that affect us that are going on in the background such as how much sleep we may be getting or other problems that are cropping up to sap our energy and ability.
My own situation in some ways was similar to yours with my job seeming to overwhelm me to the extent that I went home one Friday and had a breakdown over the weekend. I was signed off for six months and never went back.
I had been forcing myself to meet my own high standards while being drained by my work, the man I worked for who we almost developed a relationship and then distanced ourselves as a result of tension, the death of my dad and other issues playing on my mind, plus I'd had a bad back for a while which was affecting me too.
What I realised later on after I'd left the job, been on antidepressants, had counselling etc was that instead of pushing myself harder and harder when feeling I wasn't myself, I should have done the opposite and relaxed more and taken the pressure off myself instead.
When we have been suffering from long term stress or a sudden trauma this uses up the chemical serotonin in the body. When serotonin drops we sink into depression, lose interest in sex and lose the ability to enjoy things that we once used to.
Antidepressants slow down the rate at which we use up serotonin and this in turn increases the level. As it rises our depression lifts and we begin to enjoy things again.
Depression also comes along at a time in our life when we need to take time out and if we haven't listened to the clues our body has sent us previously then the body will do what it must to get us to stop completely if we haven't slowed down.
This condition creates a space for us to think about what we have been doing up to that point and what we need to do differently. You may benefit from counselling, not just because it gives you a chance to talk but because you are talking to someone who is paid to listen so there is no guilt for doing it. It takes the pressure off.
Feeling that something bad is going to happen is the anxiety and the adrenaline. It's a bit like dialogue between your body and your brain but they aren't getting a clear message through, the body seems to be preparing for an event and the brain prepares it for action and pretty soon you're feeling something is going to happen and you have no idea what.
When you next feel overloaded just try going to lie down and let the feelings wash over you instead of fighting them and trying to hold back a demon you can't see. You should find that what washes over you is nothing like the horror you had expected. You survive it, you get it in better perspective and you can carry on.
Owly x
Hi there Vicky, You don't say whether you are taking Antidepressants at the moment. It would be well worth you considering them. Also, as there has been so much stress and upset in your life from your preteens, it might help if you considered counselling.
Keep posting on here too of course, off load or just chat whenever you want.
hugs
Tabbs
~Magickal Graphics~
CL on Mind Body Spirit. Coping with Depression. OCD and Phobias. Cancer Support. Let's Talk About Pets. Crafts and Hobbies
Hi Vicky,
Just wanted to send you a big hug, sorry to hear you've split from your fiance. That can't have been easy.
I'm not sure what to suggest about how to deal with the depression. I tried CBT too, and found it helpful to some extent. I'm not on any tablets either. All I'd say is try to take care of yourself. And if you want to talk, come and post on here.
Hugs x
I can understand how you'd feel seeing the GP would be a bit pointless. I'd try the foods full of tryptophan route and if you wanted to there are over the counter options from health food shops, such as St John's Wort for mild depression and 5-htp for deeper depression.
The 5-htp is said to be similar to Fluoxetine but is a more natural form and we've had people on here who had good results with it.
I was sorry to read about your split with your fiance. I think it's all part and parcel of the way depression places us in a bit of a layby at a crossroads. Somewhere we have to stop to get our bearings, see what brought us to this place and where we want to go next.
Hopefully when you look back at some stage you'll be able to see the chance for change this gave you and how those changes were for the best even if they didn't seem so at the time.
Owly x
there are other options to getting ADs from your GP. Owly as suggested some, I take St John's Wort myself and find that does help.
Sorry you have split with your fiance but I get the feeling that was going to happen anyway, given what you had said. Well done for making such a tough decision.
hugs
Tabbs
~Magickal Graphics~
CL on Mind Body Spirit. Coping with Depression. OCD and Phobias. Cancer Support. Let's Talk About Pets. Crafts and Hobbies
