[#1]

My feelings of anxiety have been up and down lately, with good days followed by awful days, followed by ok days. One of the things that worries me most is that I might be the only person who has the feelings of anxiety that I do. I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling, I just feel weird and fearful (terrified sometimes) and too caught up in my own thoughts and then when I've felt like this for a while and I'm getting better I feel like I have a black mist hanging over me that just won't shift. I wish I could describe exactly how I'm feel when anxiety strikes so that everyone could understand but I can't. And now I've started questioning if I truly do feel better when I think I feel better instead of just letting it be. I'm scared of doing so many things that I didn't even think about before. I felt so anxious getting the train to London and getting on the Tube that I nearly didn't do it. I have so many thoughts and they race round my head like Lewis Hamilton. I feel like I just want to jump out of my head and run away. Apart from feeling like I'm the only person in the world who feels like this and some days just can't get out of bed and even make some food, I don't really know how to make it better. I'm getting counselling and I don't know if it's working or just making me feel worse, I'm trying MoodGym but it seems to be directed towards specific events that might make people feel depressed or anxious whereas I just generally feel anxious a lot, and I don't know what else to do. I know you might say take some anti depressants but I'm so freaked out by taking anything that might change me as a person that I want it to be a last resort. I'm just scared of everything and most of all I'm scared of feeling the way I do forever or even continuing to feel like the way I do for a while with no way of getting better. I keep getting new symptoms of anxiety as well - I couldn't sleep very well last night as I have sinus problems and breathing through me nose is difficult and when I did fall asleep I woke up with thoughts racing at 100 miles an hour and I was thinking to myself - can I head voices in my head? The rational side of myself know that they are just thoughts but my fear of going mad and losing my mind is driving this. I just keep thinking 'what if I hear voices in my head and end up sectioned'? My sister was talking to me about a boy who is on a ward where she volunteers and he hears voices and I freaked and thought I don't want to end up like that. I just want to be normal again or at least feel like I can cope with life :-( Sorry for the ramblings again.

[#2]

My feelings of anxiety have been up and down lately, with good days followed by awful days, followed by ok days. One of the things that worries me most is that I might be the only person who has the feelings of anxiety that I do. I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling, I just feel weird and fearful (terrified sometimes) and too caught up in my own thoughts and then when I've felt like this for a while and I'm getting better I feel like I have a black mist hanging over me that just won't shift. I wish I could describe exactly how I'm feel when anxiety strikes so that everyone could understand but I can't. And now I've started questioning if I truly do feel better when I think I feel better instead of just letting it be. I'm scared of doing so many things that I didn't even think about before. I felt so anxious getting the train to London and getting on the Tube that I nearly didn't do it. I have so many thoughts and they race round my head like Lewis Hamilton. I feel like I just want to jump out of my head and run away. Apart from feeling like I'm the only person in the world who feels like this and some days just can't get out of bed and even make some food, I don't really know how to make it better. I'm getting counselling and I don't know if it's working or just making me feel worse, I'm trying MoodGym but it seems to be directed towards specific events that might make people feel depressed or anxious whereas I just generally feel anxious a lot, and I don't know what else to do. I know you might say take some anti depressants but I'm so freaked out by taking anything that might change me as a person that I want it to be a last resort. I'm just scared of everything and most of all I'm scared of feeling the way I do forever or even continuing to feel like the way I do for a while with no way of getting better. I keep getting new symptoms of anxiety as well - I couldn't sleep very well last night as I have sinus problems and breathing through me nose is difficult and when I did fall asleep I woke up with thoughts racing at 100 miles an hour and I was thinking to myself - can I head voices in my head? The rational side of myself know that they are just thoughts but my fear of going mad and losing my mind is driving this. I just keep thinking 'what if I hear voices in my head and end up sectioned'? My sister was talking to me about a boy who is on a ward where she volunteers and he hears voices and I freaked and thought I don't want to end up like that. I just want to be normal again or at least feel like I can cope with life :-( Sorry for the ramblings again.

[#3]

Very gentle hugs.  No you are not alone with experiencing things like this and it can be downright scary, I know.

I used to be very resistent to taking ADs myself but they haven't changed my personality, made me feel 'wrong' in any way shape or form. ADs often get a bad press but the modern ways are so good. All that happened for me was I was able to sleep better and feel strong enough to tackle the problems. They don't make the problems disappear from our lives but they do make it easier for us to feel more balanced and able to cope. So maybe chatting with your GP won't be such a bad idea.

I read your comments about health in the DNR thread and totally understand what you are saying. I have chronic health issues myself and long to feel normal again. I am slowly adjusting to what my new 'normal' is. Googling things on the internet can be good but it can often cause unnecessary panic because of the way stuff is presented, it does not allow for grey areas nor can you ask it questions. I would be wary of doing this as it makes our anxirty levels rise.

I am sure you are just listening to your thoughts so please don't panic. Easy to say I know, but when we are depressed our thoughts shout louder and unfortunately they shout so loud, we listen and make ourselves feel worse.

Maybe consider a chat with your GP? They don't force you to take medication but they do want to help.

Gentle hugs

Jillxx

[#4]

you are definitely not alone in the way you feel. 

ADs won't change you as a person any more than taking painkillers for a physical condition changes you. I know it is scary with ADs but the newer medications really can help.

hugs and muffins

Tabbs

"been there, done that , got the t-shirt!"

[#5]

Hi there,

As Tabbs and Jill have said, you certainly are not alone in this.

I can understand what you are saying about moodgym, I am trying it too,  and yes, it does seem to be aimed at specific 'triggers' but even if you are experiencing anxiety all the time it can still help by changing the way you think. I'm focusing on the WUTIWUF which I do find helpful as it makes you think objectivley about what your body and head is going through at that time and can help you to reason with yourself better.   

Like you, I can sometimes get anxious over nothing at all, even just reading a book or watching telly on the sofa can result in a mini panic attack, but I am learning to use my head (thoughts) to control my body (feelings) if that makes any sense. It does not work all the time, but it does help to rationalise things.

I  can't really say anything about AD's as I have always been wary of them too. Have you tried taking B vitamin supplement? I find they do help as they increase energy levels and make you feel more alert and easier to concentrate on things, Quiet life may be useful too, it is just a herbal combination of things like passion flower, hops etc and can have a nice calming effect.

With regards to your last comments about voices and worrying you could be sectioned - Moodgym makes a very very good point about this...if you think you are going mad it probably means you arn't. people who truly hear voices etc cannot tell reality from fantasy whereas if they question it, like you are, it shows you have a good grip on the world around you even if it difficult to cope with at times.

gentle hugs

GF X

[#6]

Thanks all for replying, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this as that other people do understand. I've got an appointment with the GP tomorrow to talk about my sinus issues and I will bring up how I am feeling then as well. I guess I just don't know how I can make this better as counselling hasn't seemed to help yet and other things have helped for a bit - like understanding anxiety better - but now no longer serve as much of a comfort. I've got these obsessive thoughts that I will stop breathing and that I have to make myself breathe and I realised that when I have these thoughts that's the only time I actually get any respite from the anxiety. That the worrying about my physical symptoms is only a distraction from the anxiety and that I've had very few periods of not worrying about physical symptoms or anxiety. It just got me down a bit and has actually made me feel really annoyed with myself and made me beat myself up a bit as to why I just can't feel more 'normal'. Life in general gets me down as well as I feel so alone and unhappy. Work is stressing me out and making me unhappy when I can actually make it and they are incredibly un-understanding when it comes to mental health issues. I've been thinking that I might see if the doctor will sign me off for a month or two to help me get back on my feet but I know going back after that time would be a nightmare. As we don't have job levels I know all the important work I do would have been taken away from me and I would have effectively demoted and everyone at work would be talking about it - and not in a nice way. I feel like I would just be kissing my career goodbye. I have friends who are there for me but they can't be there all the time. I miss my family so much as they live quite far away. In fact, although I said I never would, I've been thinking about going back and living there just so I'm not on my own. I live with another couple of housemates who if anything just annoy me as they are always there and I have to retreat to my room to get some alone time. I'm getting really bogged down in it all. I seem to be all about moaning and ranting today!

[#7]

When we are low we do get bogged down in all the nasty stuff. At least you are managing to express your feelings on this board. You could print off a couple of your posts and show them to your GP as they are a good indication of your state of mind.

hugs and muffins

Tabbs

"been there, done that , got the t-shirt!"