[#1]

I have been with my husband 22 years, married 9. He has a son of 30 who has been married for 7 years. They have two children, age 5 and 1 and the wife refuses to accept me as a grandmother and iss wanting to call me "auntie" . She only recognises her parents and my husbands first wife as grandparents. and feels the children will get confused ! The subject has been spoken about but she won't budge. it is causing alot of heartbreak between my husband & I. I feel she is very disrespectful. I was not the cause of the breakup of my husbands first marraige and get along with his son. How can this situatuion be changed??????

[#2]

I have been with my husband 22 years, married 9. He has a son of 30 who has been married for 7 years. They have two children, age 5 and 1 and the wife refuses to accept me as a grandmother and iss wanting to call me "auntie" . She only recognises her parents and my husbands first wife as grandparents. and feels the children will get confused ! The subject has been spoken about but she won't budge. it is causing alot of heartbreak between my husband & I. I feel she is very disrespectful. I was not the cause of the breakup of my husbands first marraige and get along with his son. How can this situatuion be changed??????

[#3]

Hi,

not sure if this is any help to you but I am step grandmother to three girls and they all have a special name for me, not granny or nanna or anything, but a special name only they use for me. It is a lot more cosy than auntie or just using my first name. Might it be a suitable substitute for you and your Step DIL?

It can be a tricky situation and I appreciate how you must feel.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#4]

thanks Jill

I feel that having been with my husband for a long time that she has come into our family and treats me like this, also disrespecting my husband. Although my husband works away all week there is very little contact from her, maybe Christmas & birthdays, but makes no effort to visit us. At family ocassions I get blanked and only my husband is acknowleged by her as being present. I just feel torn as I want to boycott family ocassions but go in support of my husband

[#5]

That does sound like your step DIL has some serious issues she perhaps needs to sort out. I am sorry you are suffering as a result.

Hugs

Jillxx

[#6]

Hi, The woman is too rigid and far from simplifying things by sticking with the old set up of who nan and grandad were she is risking it being made more complicated when the children are old enough to ask questions about why nan and grandad don't live in the same house etc. These will become questions she will have to face and answer. I get the feeling she is setting herself up for some complex explanations in future. She could find herself constantly correcting her children when they make simple logical conclusions that the lady with grandad has to be nan. Would she give up and give in or constantly correct them and get irritated as her 'simple' solution becomes complicated. Owly x

[#7]

think the woman (why should she be called "step DIL"  if she refuses to acknowledge the relationship) is really giving herself problems. I can't believe she is behaving like this when you have been married to her Father in Law for so long. For what it is worth, my DS had three grannies. My own beloved gran had died before he was born but I was very close to one of her best friends, a spinster as it happened. She was given the name Granny with her surname. She was so thrilled and they built up a very special relationship. Sadly she had died before my DD was born.

Would she object to a special name, rather than Granny? 

[#8]

thanks for your words. I really feel like giving up on the whole situation. We may see the kids 3 times a year, birthday, christmas etc.so building a relationship with the kids is hard. We are only 12 miles away but I feel reluctant to invite her over because of the situation or to visit them. I feel taking a "special name" is giving in to her. I have been with my husband 22 years, since his son was 8 years old and cannot belive that she walks into the family  but disregards me and has little respect for my husband either. My husband's son knows the situation and has told us to ignore his wife's words!! It is just causing a lot of upset. I attended the youngest grandchild's christening this year on my own as my husband was away working. Group photos were taken of my step sons mother and new husband etc, her family but no photgraphs were taken with me and the grandchildren!

[#9]

Hi

If you join in with her 'game' and make it a competition over who wins and who gives in, then you've already lost. If you can rise above her nonsense and leave her to create a situation that will result in consequences of some sort for herself then it's the best way to 'win' because you don't get sucked in and affected. 

Whatever she does or doesn't do, whatever you get called or not, does not take anything away from your relationship with your husband or with her husband. Be the strong, independent, untouched by it all, one.

Your husband is right, it would actually be best to ignore her words. There are a lot of things that are important in families and titles aren't one of them. Let her get hung up on labels if that's her thing.

It all reminds me of the quote "A son's a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter's your daughter all her life".

The men give in for quiet lives and the women control what happens or conform to the ideas of their own family. Just remember there are no guarantees in this life. Her setting things up and trying to control everything doesn't mean it will always be this way.

Owly x

[#10]

Agree with Owly on this one, don't give in to her. And yes I can see that taking a special name would be giving in to her.

Hadn't realised with my first reply that you rarely saw the woman. 

[#11]

Yes, I can see a special name would be given in to her. My situation is that I am on friendly terms with everyone and I didn't want to take anything away from the real grandparents but they didn't want me not to be part of the grandparent scene. The children all say I am their grandmother, my parents are their great grandparents. It's just I don't get called Nana or anything.

I hope you will find a solution that suits you. I do feel she is being very unreasonable.

Hugs

Jillxx