[#1]

Good evening everyone!

I'm new to this site, so my apologies if this topic has been done to death already, but are there many of you out there who are the same age as me (31) and not only childless (happily) but also single and still feeling like a bit of a teenager?

I don't mean that I'm at the Kevin & Perry adolescence stage (heaven forbid) but, despite having my share of responsibilities and independence, I don't feel like I've properly "grown up".

All of my friends are either married or in long term relationships, some with and some without children, and my younger sister is already married with two dogs and a baby on the way! In short: I'm the odd one out.

Is it normal to feel like a little bit of a failure, despite the fact that I'm delighted (if not utterly grateful) to be single and without any dependents?

I literally do not know a single soul who is in the same boat as me right now - please tell me I'm not the last one on the planet!

[#2]

Good evening everyone!

I'm new to this site, so my apologies if this topic has been done to death already, but are there many of you out there who are the same age as me (31) and not only childless (happily) but also single and still feeling like a bit of a teenager?

I don't mean that I'm at the Kevin & Perry adolescence stage (heaven forbid) but, despite having my share of responsibilities and independence, I don't feel like I've properly "grown up".

All of my friends are either married or in long term relationships, some with and some without children, and my younger sister is already married with two dogs and a baby on the way! In short: I'm the odd one out.

Is it normal to feel like a little bit of a failure, despite the fact that I'm delighted (if not utterly grateful) to be single and without any dependents?

I literally do not know a single soul who is in the same boat as me right now - please tell me I'm not the last one on the planet!

[#3]

Just nipping in to say hi.

I'm not in the same situation as you as I'm older (38 next week) and have been married for nearly 10 years but I'm very childfree! 

I have a mixed bag of people in my life so I don't ever really feel the odd one out for not having children. I have two older brothers who (to our knowledge) have no children, most of my friends have no children - some younger so they may do in the future, some older and are very CFBC. Some with loads of children but still do whatever they want and don't let the fact they have children stop them from having "freedom" and others who have one child and have pretty much closed the doors on anything but family life. So in my life there is no standard or normal so there's no reason to feel like the odd one out. 

I don't think many people ever feel like they're grown up. I worked for years for the charity Age Concern so I spent a lot of time with older ladies they had the same mentality as the work experience people we had from the local school. They always said that they'd never go back to being young as being over 50 was the best thing ever as you really can do what you want without any of the hang ups of being younger (peer pressure, concerns about weight, meeting someone etc). Some of them had basically had two lives, their husbands had died when they were young so they got to have a second adulthood and be single all over again - it's never an end.The fun never stops, it's nothing to do with age or the amount of bills you have. 

I think it can be normal to feel like a failure or to feel like there's something else out there in life. But or every time you think that someone else has a fulfilled life with a house, children, husband/wife or whatever there will be someone with those things looking at you dreaming of being in your position. If you have those feelings of there being something missing there's always the opportunity to look for a new hobby or challenge, sure to take your mind off things 

[#4]

Thanks x_sam_x, that's a brilliant response!

It's fantastic that you mix with so many 'different' people and that there's nothing considered normal or expected of you. I'm sure I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to feeling like a failure, and you're quite right that others may look at my life and think it's great (which it is, really).

Also, it's great to hear that the older ladies you encountered through your charity work had the same mentality - I shan't worry about it anymore in that case - better to feel young than old, I guess!

Thanks again, that's really bouyed me up

[#5]

Good stuff.

We're all our own worst enemy and harshest critic, but I guess the flipside of being hard on yourself is that you can push yourself to great things when you choose to. Every cloud and all that. 

[#6]

Hi Hanabell_

You are not childless... childless implies you wish you had children but cannot have any or not had the opportunity to have any ( i.e not found the right man, lack of financial stability, employment, gynaecological issues etc)

You sound childfree.  Embrace it!!

Motherhood is not for everyone.... not even for someone women who have had children.  There are loads of anonymous posts on Google from people wishing they didnt have children or wish they waited.... sad but true.   

Don't feel pressured into having children and getting married because other people are doing it. People will tell you to do that because misery loves company.  They want you miserable as them.  One plus side to not having children...hey... at least you will not have to battle with the CSA because the father of the child(ren) spitefully says he will give up work and you will only get pittance and you will be lucky to even get that.

I am happily childfree.   I have been in a relationship for the last 5 years and other people at work and in my life in general find it alien!  People tell me I am missing out.  I hear how miserable my neighbour is on her facebook status and through the walls ranting at her kids!

"What about when you are old, who will look after you?"  Well, you cannot guarantee your children will even outlive you these days. Your kids may emigrate and you may never see them again. You cannot guarantee your kids will even like you when you are elderly.  There are loads of elderly people in nursing homes and they have sired loads of children hoping the more kids they had, the likelihood will be that they will be looked after in their golden years... chances are the kids only show their faces when the Will is read!  I have a colleague who has her kids blackmailing her for whatever reason and she has re-written her will and cut her kids out of it!!

"Don't you want to see what your children will look like?" That is a pretty selfish and egotistical reason to have children!

I have a lesbian at work tell me that I should have children, she said it was not normal being just myself and my partner (I am straight, I have been with my partner for 5 years now and we are still very much in love and have a very happy, active, intimate relationship... still!!)  How ironic... luckily, I am not a bigot, I could have retorted with "You....are not normal for being homosexual"  But her sexuality has no influence or impact on my life.  So my gynaecological issues should not be an issue to her!  However, this colleague has a gf of whom, has a child.  The child stays with them every weekend.  My colleague said "We wont be having any sex this weekend, the BRAT is coming over"  NICE!!  And this woman wants me to have children, so that I can be as miserable and sex-starved as her!

NO THANK YOU!!

CG

[#7]

I'm in exactly the same situation, I'm 31 and child free (happily) most of my friends are about to start having kids, my younger brother is about to start trying as well.  They are all with a partner and this just makes me realise how I am not in the same situation as them, i.e. I have no inclination towards having kids.  What strikes me is that you think you're abnormal!  This is the 21st century!  I know shit loads of people like us.  Although I said before a lot of my close friends are starting to try and have kids, I know many happily child free people too, and a lot of people who are living totally different types of lives.  Maybe you should widen your social circle?  Having said that, though, it does sometimes feel like you are the only one.

Keep on having fun, I still feel like a teenager too!

[#8]

I just had to jump in on this and say how refreshing it is to read views like these!  I'm happily childfree too, probably a bit of a child-phobe as well (I just don't know what you're supposed to do with them), and my best friend is the same.  I'm 29 she's 41.   You're definitely not alone hehe maybe we should set up a support group for every time we get bullied by the mums who tell us how selfish we are  I even had one guy tell me I was 'flouting my destiny as a woman' for not wanting kids.  Hmmmm

[#9]

Hi Asante

One guy really told you that you are flouting your destiny as a woman for not having kids?  If a man tells me that I should have kids I tell him he should go to Afghanistan and die for his country because it is men that are on the frontline!  What he said was incredibly sexist!  But no doubt, he is probably a miserable father at home or he is being stung for CSA payments for the next 18 years!

I dont mind kids, but I cannot stand of them crying or throwing a wobbler. I never second guess myself and wonder if I am missing out.  I just read the various posts on the mum section on here to see that I am not.

The term 'childfree' means that you do not have or want children, by choice, if you go on the childfree hashtag on a certain  social network, you will see half the people on there are parents, usually mothers that have dumped the kids somewhere or on someone and post a status update about being happy and free to do what they want for a couple of hours.....  Other people that are trully childfree on the hashtag seem to get abuse from the parents when  the childfree people tell them to look up what it really means to be childfree.  

I am on the lookout for new, childfree friends.  I used to have a really good friend but since she had a kid, I have seen how miserable she is and she often tells me that she wishes she did not continue the pregnancy.  Now, the kids is often throwing tantrums and crying all the time! 

CG x

[#10]

Oh Jesus see that is my worst nightmare - kids that throw tantrums.  If God forbid I had one and it was like that it would be straight to bootcamp for the little thing (hence why it's probably better I don't have any......)

My best friend had a baby and to be honest it didn't change her much.  Yeah she's more tired and can't always go out but she's still the same, happy she had the kid and currently considering whether she's ready for, or even wants, another.  I'm under no illusions that I'm definitely never going to want children (how can i know now what I will want in 10 years? I didn't like olives 10 years ago and can't get enough of them now), so it's good to see people happy in parenting.

But yes that idiot really did tell me I was flouting my destiny.  I laughed in his face which just made him worse.  

In my experience childree friends are a rare thing.  I've only got one, all the others are desperate to have kids.  Sometimes it's easier hanging around with the mums than the no-kids cos when they get a chance to go out they really let their hair down  

[#11]

I should clarify - my best friend in the UK is 41 and happily childree.  My best friend from back home (bloody foreigners, we're everywhere) is the one with the baby  Just in case you thought I was randomly making things up