[#1]

Not sure if this is the right board to post on. I'm 27 and have recently found out I am pregnant. I have been with my partner for 18 months, and we are really happy. We don't currently live together, he owns his house & works hard. I was recently made redundant & rent a house with my daughter (4yrs old).

I left her dad over 2 years ago as he was having an affair. He has brought nothing but trouble to me since, he owes me money and child support, etc. I feel that when I tell my parents they are going to flip & assume I'll be left as a single parent again & that they will have to pick up the pieces.
I have always managed financially without having to ask anyone for money.

I'm just feeling down about it as they are old fashioned & opinionated and will probably give me a hard time when I break the news.

Any advice at all? Am I being stupid worrying?

Thanks in advance x

[#2]

Not sure if this is the right board to post on. I'm 27 and have recently found out I am pregnant. I have been with my partner for 18 months, and we are really happy. We don't currently live together, he owns his house & works hard. I was recently made redundant & rent a house with my daughter (4yrs old).

I left her dad over 2 years ago as he was having an affair. He has brought nothing but trouble to me since, he owes me money and child support, etc. I feel that when I tell my parents they are going to flip & assume I'll be left as a single parent again & that they will have to pick up the pieces.
I have always managed financially without having to ask anyone for money.

I'm just feeling down about it as they are old fashioned & opinionated and will probably give me a hard time when I break the news.

Any advice at all? Am I being stupid worrying?

Thanks in advance x

[#3]

Hello Bettsy,

All that really matters is that you are happy. This wouldn't have happened if it wasn't meant to be. So it's outside the scope of anyone's opinion.

There are never any guarantees of what the future will bring. It doesn't matter at what point you get pregnant or who to. You could be married to someone with money and still end up as a single parent. You don't have to prove anything to anyone else, ever.

Leave everyone to their opinions and just get on with the business of being content and happy. If anyone diminished your current contentment and happiness they would be robbing you of the time you spend feeling good. Why would someone who loves you do that to you.

It may never happen that you end up as a single parent again.

Have something simple ready to say to your parents and just keep repeating it. Something like 'I'll bear that in mind" or "Right now I'm not letting anything negative spoil my current happiness". Whatever they come at you with just say again slightly different "anything is possible but right now I'm not letting anything negative spoil my current happiness" and so on.

You're not being stupid for worrying. You are preparing yourself to handle a difficult situation because you know the people concerned.

Owly x

[#4]

Thank you so much for your reply. I don't plan on telling them just yet, maybe in a month or so as it's still early days.
I guess all I need to do is focus on doing what's best for my little family, I can't bear the idea of their negative thoughts once I tell them but we are happy and surely that's all that matters?!
Thanks again x

[#5]

Hi,

I can understand you not mentioning it too soon and I suspect you may wait longer still because of how you know they can be and this is where they actually rob themselves because it's such lovely news hearing that the family is expecting a new member and yet because of their reputation they could cause you to put off telling them for longer.

I guess in their own ways they have your best interests at heart but you don't want them bursting your bubble and rightly so.

Hope it all goes well.

Owly x

[#6]

Firstly I would like to say congratulations and wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy. 

Hopefully you are worrying over nothing and your parents will be thrilled for you. Do they like your partner? Your parents will be able to see how happy and settled you are now. Your partner is a hard worker and you have always supported yourself without asking for money. It sounds like a good recipe for a couple of great parents.  I hope your parents see this when you tell them your news. 

If they don't react as you're hoping then give them time. It's hard to resist the joys of a beautful baby, especailly when it's your grandchild.

Good luck and let us know how it goes when you decide to tell them.

[#7]

Hello,

I can relate to what you are saying I am nearly 27 and have 2 children and recently found out that I am pregnant with my 3rd my 2 are 7 and 5 1/2 yrs.  My husband and I decided it would be a good time to add to our family, we both work, have a mortgage, like you we are ok financially yet I am really nervous about telling my family.

I actually told my mum a few days back to recieve a negative response.  My mum has never been somebody to show her exitement and I know either way she is probably happy for me but she did not congratulate me and threw negative comments which was unecessary .  I have not spoke to my mum since and will wait for her to get over what ever issues she may have and get in touch as like you also I will not have anybody spoil this my husband and I are very happy and exited and thats all that matters.

I am yet to tell other family members and I dont look forward to this as my nan is much the same.  My sister knows and shes fab!

anyway I hope it all goes well for you when you do annouce that you are pregnant and in time they will be fine its a new grandchild for them which they should be thankful for.

Take Care

Keelie x

[#8]

Hi thanks for the replies.
I told them two days ago, my mum said it's her worst nightmare. I've been so very upset & feel really stressed. I knew they'd be negative but it's just so upsetting. My partner owns a house & wants me & my daughter to move in with him before baby is due. My mum thinks I'd be stupid to, and says I'll end up chasing the csa for yet another child. She kees implying it will all go wrong like my last relationship. But i cant live my life thinking "what if", "what will i do if this happens"!! feel so alone. Obviously I have my partner to talk to, he's very understanding, he is also feeling the negativity from my family. We have been together 18 months, practically live together for months. Surely we would be better living as a family? I would have to move anyway as my home is too small and there's no room for a Moses basket let alone a cot!
I love my family but sometimes I think MY little family needs to be my priority now, it's my life & I spend far too much time caring and worrying what others think.
Sorry for rambling on! So confused ATM xxx

[#9]

Hi Bettsy,

It sounds like your mum could cause you to fulfil her negative vision of your future.

Think back to how good you felt before you had anything to tell her and how you felt before you told her. You can be happy with someone. You don't need to have someone telling you each time that it's all going to go wrong and end badly, why should it ?

You have as much right to have a good relationship as anyone. We all learn how to live better and get things right by the mistakes of the past. So even those 'mistakes' have a positive element about them that we carry forward.

Your mother is writing you off from having happiness and that says so much about her. What is she so afraid of that she needs to pop holes in your current happiness bubble and fill you with negativity and dread for the future.

Distance yourself, get yourself back on track with your old level of happiness with your partner and do YOUR own thing with him and your new baby.

Your mother has a negativity that you could do with avoiding as completely as you possibly can.

Owly x