topic New to the board - Low self esteem in General Discussions

New to the board - Low self esteem

sulkie_sue — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 13:28:20 GMT

Hi there!

I'm new to the board and I just wanted to say hello. I've recently started seeing a counsellor to help me with the pain of losing my daughter. She was stillborn at full term and I haven't been able to grieve her properly. After speaking to the counsellor yesterday I was told that I have very low self esteem. I've been bullied pretty much all my life, by my siblings, in the school yard, at work and the most hurtful of all, by my mum. My counsellor is going to help me work through this but I want to take a pro-active approach which is why I'm here. I want to change my life and I'm looking for your help. Hope you don't mind :-)

Re: New to the board - Low self esteem

cl-redcrx72 — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 11:24:12 GMT

Hi Sue, welcome to the board.

Im very sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter, have you also looked in on the Late Loss board http://forums.ivillage.co.uk/t5/Late-Loss-Neonatal-Death-Support/ct-p/iv-ukpblateloss as I am sure there will be ladies there who know exactly how you are feeling.

Im glad that you have got a counsellor to hopefully help you to direct your feelings outwards with regards to both your daughter and the bullying that you have experienced in life.

How is your counsellor helping you overcome the issues that you have with the bullying? Im not a counsellor, just a CL on this board, but i would suggest that all of this needs to be dealt with one step at a time. Trying to deal with your feelings over losing your child at same time as trying to sort out you low self esteem and your feelings towards your family may just be too much to take on all at once.

Re: New to the board - Low self esteem

sulkie_sue — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 11:30:45 GMT

Hi Nichola!

Thanks for replying! I do post on the late loss board too. The girls there are lovely and have been a real god send. As for the bullying... I'm still off work at the minute as I'm still on Maternity Leave (which is weird I know). I've been keeping myself to my immediate family (My husband and son) as much as possible and really only associating with those that I can really trust. Everytime I have contact from my mum it's either an argument or her ranting on about some silly problem in her life. I just hope that I can get chatting to some people who have been there and get some ideas on how to get out of the situation.

Sue Xxx

Re: New to the board - Low self esteem

cl-ambientbreeze — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 18:47:53 GMT

Hi Sue.

Welcome to the board. I see that you have met my lovely co-cl, nicola. She has given you the link to a wonderful board. If you feel comfortable to post over there, fantastic, if not, I can relate through my own - though different - experiences of loss, if you wanted an ear, or a virtual hug.

I think, after a loss of any kind, it is impossible not to blame yourself to be honest, and it does push your self esteem through the floor. You just cant help it.

But if you were already conditioned to have low self esteem, through your childhood experiences, then it's even harder to cope with and see your way through.

What I would say to you, is that you should consider setting yourself small goals, which will let you take it one step at a time. Building your own self esteem wont be easy by any means, but if you can trust some close friends, or your other half, to help you out, then it would be so beneficial, and help you no end.

Again, if you would like to talk about anything, on here, you are so welcome, and we will listen and support as much or as little as you would like us to. Sometimes, it is easier to type than it is to speak.

Can I ask, what your first memory of bullying is, and when you think it all started ?

x x x

Re: New to the board - Low self esteem

cl-ambientbreeze — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 18:50:02 GMT

Oh, and your mum sounds just like mine !!! So I can sympathise on that score too !!!

I've tried to turn it into something pro-active - while she didnt give me the treatment or support I needed, she has inadvertantly given me the strength to put my head down and plough through most problems.

I appreciate that you are a long way from that point at the moment, but when you can turn negaitves to positives, or find glimmers of hope to hang on to, it helps no end. xxx