topic Re: Sons dad so hateful..... in General Discussions

Sons dad so hateful.....

anon78 — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:40:27 GMT

Hi all, Not sure if anyone has any advice, or can point me to useful sources of advice? Basically my sons father is so hateful and hostile, it's really getting me down. We separated before the birth of our son 6 years ago and he lives 200 miles away, so relations over the past 6 years have been hard. However I honestly thought over time they would get easier, but they get worse. Things where ok for a while then about 18 months ago they started to spiral down hill. My sons dad, had another son with a new partner however that relationship ended weeks after his second son was born. My life moved on, I had another son 1 year ago. From that point communication with my first sons dad broke down bit by bit, we are now at communicating only by email. Any detail of trying to organise contact is really hard. He merely wants to dictate rather than reach amicable agreements. If I can't get to the phone exactly when he calls he sends hostile mails. We have been trying to organise a week for my son to see him during school Hols, and any suggestions I make he is hostile about. Threatening court, making nasty comments at every opportunity. I guess I am trying to understand how I look to the future, all the anger and hostility makes me very anxious about things?

Re: Sons dad so hateful.....

oh2bhappy — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:26:07 GMT

Reading your post makes me wonder if it will be worth while trying mediation?

Regular contact is a way of perhaps resolving this, but then both sides need to stick to what's agreed. And it is so much easier if you can agree between you (or mediation) rather than going through the Courts.

As he suggested the week he would like to have your son? Is there ways you can then accommodate this? Perhaps that could be a starting point?

With my ex he wanted the standard every other weekend with one week in the summer. After a couple of years though he started to cancel more and more time.

It could be that he feels the need to have the say in the contact as son is mainly with you? The only way contact worked in the way here was me telling ex to text 24 hours before being certain he was able to see the children, and I made sure that they were free. Only Scouts night was a no-no...

If it comes to the crunch perhaps a Court order would mean that you would at least know how things stand.

How would you like to see things working out?

Re: Sons dad so hateful.....

anon78 — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:54:27 GMT

Finally after about 2 months of his hateful emails we have found a long weekend that fits. He apparently has a court order for his youngest son who he sees every Saturday and he can't change that, he also says because of his youngest sons age he can't have both sons together on the same day! I would have thought it would have been nice for our son to spend the day with his other brother.

I just would like to reach amicable decisions together without all the bitterness and feel that our son was going into a positive environment without the threat of court every time we have a disagreement. I can't see why it should be this hard 6 years down the line?

Re: Sons dad so hateful.....

oh2bhappy — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 16:05:55 GMT

I'm glad that you've got somewhere...

And I agree, it would have been good for the brothers to have been together.

My ex moved away 18 months ago, which has made life so much easier!! Before that it had been six and a half years of a nightmare.

Perhaps they think we like the challenge!

Re: Sons dad so hateful.....

anon78 — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:58:31 GMT

Yes, it's so hard not to get drawn into all the pettiness though and just rise above it! I find myself biting my Tongue so hard when I reply to his mails it's a wonder I have any Tongue left! Summer visit sorted now but we are on non speaking terms again, which is very hard! Thanks so much for the ear and advice x